This stay-at-home mum thing

So I've been a SAHM for 6 months now, although I was on maternity leave for the year before that. I absolutely love it, would not change it for the world and feel incredibly lucky to be able to do it. Sometimes I think back to 2 years ago when I was juggling work, a toddler, housework, etc, and I realise now just how stressed and unhappy I was. Obviously, I had some great things in my life, and it wasn't all bad by any means, but I hated never having enough time, never being able to give 100% to anything, always feeling stretched and compromised.

Now that's all changed and I love being home with the kids, feeling as though I have time to really appreciate them. It sounds silly, I feel as though I can breathe now, whereas before I was gasping for air. When I think of all the cuddles and laughs and tiny little moments I'd miss if I was working, I never for one moment wish I was back there.

But...I do sometimes wonder about other people's perceptions. Sometimes, when I'm asked what I do, I feel a bit inadequate saying I'm "just" a mum. I often lead with, "well, I used to be a teacher, but now..." because that makes me feel a bit more valid as a person. I wonder whether people see value in what I do, at home with the kids. Yes, a lot of it is mundane: housework, picking up toys 1000 times a day, ferrying Jamie to preschool and back. But I do also feel there is huge value in me just being there for them, spending time with them and listening to them.

Anyway, as I said, I do love it and hope I can continue to be a SAHM for a good while longer.

It was all going so well...

Our house sale/purchase had been progressing scarily well. Draft contracts had been prepared, searches had been completed. I admit, I was daydreaming about being in for Christmas, opening presents and having lunch in our new home.

And then today, we received a letter from the bank saying that we need to get a structural engineer's report on some cracks in the house we're buying, as they are possibly a sign of movement and subsidence.. I think we were expecting it, as we'd noticed the cracks ourselves, but it still came as a shock. So now everything is grinding to a halt while we get the report done.

We're gutted, and thinking the worst in all honesty, but we're so far down the road now that we'll just have to see it through and see what needs to be done once we hear back from the structural engineer. I just hope our buyers are prepared to wait!

Chatty girl

Daisy's speech is coming on leaps and bounds at the moment. I'm amazed by how much she can say - I'm sure Jamie was at least 2 before he said much at all apart from mama and dadda (possibly not true, I think he said more but I can't remember!). The benefits of being a girl! Here are a few of the words and phrases she uses:

Sit down
Up...book...read it (when bringing a book over to be read)
Drink
Milk
Got teddy bear (when she's nicked it off Jamie)
Na night
Daddy
Pushchair
Shower
Jumper (pronounced "humper" )
Raining
Tights
Oh dear shoe (when removing said shoe and lobbing it on the floor)
Up
Down
Yep
Noooo
Horsey
Light
Peepo

There are loads more. She also does renditions of "Row, row your boat" and "twinkle twinkle" - obviously not saying all the words properly but you can tell what she means.

 My favourite though, is the way when she wakes up in the morning or from her nap, she starts calling, "Haymie, Haymie" and we all know who she wants to see!

We bought a house today!

So about a week ago, my mum told us about a house that would be coming on the market in our preferred area - she'd found out about it through a friend of the vendors. We bugged the agents for a few days, and yesterday we finally got to go and see it - we were the first to do so. It had some massive positives - HUGE garden, lovely road very close to the primary school, good sized bedrooms, scope to extend...and also some negatives - in need of a lot of updating, downstairs bathroom. Anyway, we loved it, and decided straight away that it was the house for us. I know you're supposed to go about this house-buying lark with a cool head and should never show how much you love a house, but all that went out the window and we decided yesterday evening that we would make an offer.

So this morning, after some last minute chats with Wayne and my mum, I phoned and made an offer, a little bit under the asking price. Soon after, we got a "no"...so I decided there and then to offer the asking price. I may have slightly taken leave of my senses and got carried away, but it paid off and an agonising hour later, the agents phoned and said our offer had been accepted!

Now we have all the paperwork, legal stuff, surveys, etc, to plough through, but every now and again I imagine us next summer, in that massive garden, the kids having loads of space to run around, plus room for veg patches, chickens, playhouses, trampolines.... I am trying not to get carried away, as I know things might go wrong, but I can't help it and I'm SO excited about us moving in!

Single Parents Are Brilliant!

A friend of mine, an amazing, inspirational single mum, recently started a campaign called "Single Parents Are Brilliant", in response to the way the Government seemed to be blaming the recent riots on absent fathers. She felt that although Mr. Cameron was attacking the parents who abandoned their children and played no part in their lives, he was actually laying the blame with the single parents - after all, they are the ones raising the children who apparently often end up being yobs and taking part in riots. She asked for emails from other single parents, or adults raised by single parents, to share their experiences and show that single parents do a brilliant job at raising their children single-handedly, with little or no support.

The campaign website can be found here: http://2starsandaswirl.co.uk/2011/09/11/the-single-parents-are-brilliant-campaign/

It's a subject close to my heart as I was brought up by a single mum, so here is the email I submitted to the campaign:

My parents split up when I was 3, and although my dad made the odd appearance for the first couple of years, I haven’t seen him since I was 7 years old and he has had no input in my life since then. Despite a court order setting out maintenance payments, he didn’t contribute a penny towards my upbringing. My mum raised me by herself, and did an amazing job.

The financial strain must have been incredibly hard to bear, but she worked two jobs in order to make sure we stayed afloat. We didn’t have expensive holidays, and as a child I knew that money was tight, but she made sure I didn’t miss out on the things the other kids had.

My mum instilled me with morals and taught me the importance of working hard. I achieved some of the best GCSE and A Level results in my school year, went to one of the best Universities in the country and got an honours degree and a postgraduate degree. Like millions of children raised by single parents, I am a long way from the unruly, yobbish, failing stereotype our government likes to paint.

Single parents do an amazing job. They and their kids are not to blame for the ills of society. Writing off the children of single parents is effectively writing off a huge number of talented children, who have the potential to be the next generation of doctors, teachers, maybe even MPs. Single parents should be supported, not criticised and blamed for situations they have no control over. They are doing the best they can for their children, on their own. Now I’m a parent myself, I know how tough a job it can be, but to be doing it alone, having to make all those tricky parenting decisions by yourself, with no one to discuss it with – wow. Single parents ARE brilliant and I’m in awe of what an amazing job they do.

Holidays and house news

So last week we went on yet another holiday - to Woolacombe again, this time with Wayne's mum. We do seem to have had a lot of holidays this year, but they've been budget ones and we're making the most of not having to go in the expensive school holidays while we can! The weather wasn't great - lots of heavy showers and strong wind, but Wayne and I got a few surf sessions in, and we did lots of swimming at the holiday park, and managed a few beach trips too, so everyone was happy.

The holiday park puts on some pretty cheesy kids' entertainment in the evenings, starring two larger than life characters by the name of Billy and Betty Beachball. They go on stage every night and play games with the kids, finishing with a song called the "Beachball Bounce". Kids are encouraged to get their "grown-ups" to come and join in, which lead to some rather embarrassing moments where me and Wayne tried to join in with the dance. Jamie loved it and has been singing the Beachball Bounce constantly since we got back. We bought him a soft toy version of Billy Beachball, who now goes *everywhere* with Jamie - including to Playgroup.

We got the best news of all while we were away - in fact I was on Woolacombe beach when I took the call - an offer on our house, which we accepted! I'm so excited, but also terrified something's going to go wrong. The buyers are in a great position with no chain, so the pressure's on us now to find a house. Just hoping we can find something we love, and soon!

Apperley Quarter Marathon

So I'd done the half, and the aftermath was a bit of an anticlimax...all that build up and then it's over. I decided I needed to enter another event. Every time I've driven to Tewkesbury recently I've seen banners promoting the Apperley Quarter Marathon, and even though it was taking place only 6 days after the half, I decided I was going to do it. After all, it was only 6.5 miles, nothing compared to the 13 I'd done last weekend, should be easy, right? WRONG!!!

To start with, I had to go on my own as Wayne was working and his mum was looking after the kids. I felt a bit lonely rocking up by myself when everyone else seemed to be in big groups. But anyway, I collected my number, made multiple trips to the portaloos (notice a theme?!) and soon it was time to assemble at the starting line. We ran through the village and down a hill to the river - all nice and easy so far. However, the next 4 miles or so were off road, running through fields and then along the riverbank to Deerhurst. I found this really hard going - it was quite bumpy, and felt a lot different to running on a road. It seemed to take all my energy just trying not to turn my ankle or fall over, and I knew my pace was rubbish.

We then ran through Odda's Chapel and back onto the road to Apperley for the last couple of miles. However, this involved going up a huge, never ending, steep hill, and bloody hell it was hard! I somehow managed to keep running, and even overtook quite a few people who were walking, and eventually made it to the top. Then it was a short run back to the cricket club for the finish. I did it in 1 hour 13 mins, which on paper is really rubbish for 6.5 miles, but given the terrain and the hills, not too bad I suppose, and I wasn't last!

So, two races in a week, covering almost 20 miles and now I think it's time for a rest! We're going on holiday on Friday so I'm definitely going to give my legs a week off!

Cheltenham Half Marathon

I entered this on a whim back in May, having been bitten by the race bug after the 5 mile fun run we did in Tewkesbury. Twelve weeks seemed like it would just about be long enough to get up to the distance, and I excitedly planned out my training schedule.

Overall, I stuck to my plan fairly well, but a couple of blips due to holidays and illness meant that I only managed to run 10 miles, twice, in the weeks leading up to the race...whereas in my schedule, I should have built up to the full 13 miles. I knew I'd probably be able to manage the extra 3 miles on the day, but that it would be tough.

The day before, I drank and drank and drank, determined that I would be well hydrated for the race. Race day itself started cool and rainy, but with a start time of 2pm I knew that could all change, and low and behold, at midday the sun came out, and I knew we were in for a warm afternoon.

Wayne and Jamie took me to the Racecourse in plenty of time, I made multiple trips to the portaloos, and then made my way to the starting area, placing myself in the section for a 2 hours 30 mins - 3 hours 30 mins finishing time. Soon we were off and running through Bishops Cleeve. There was lots of support along the way and the first 3 miles passed fairly quickly. The course was an "out and back" one, and at around 4.5 miles, the leaders started passing me, going in the opposite direction. I could hardly believe that they'd done almost 9 miles in the time it took me to do just over 4!

I passed my mum, who was parked up in a layby, at about 6 miles, then saw Wayne and Jamie at the half way point, then went back past my mum again at 7 miles. At that stage I was still feeling pretty good. Soon after though, the mile markers seemed to be taking longer and longer to appear. My aim was to finish in 2 hours 30 mins, and I could tell from my Garmin that although I was still on track, I was slowing down. By 9 miles, my legs were starting to really ache, and at 10 they were telling me to stop! I was telling myself I only had 5 km to go and that these days, that's a short 30 minute run, but in the end I had to stop and walk for a few minutes.

Those last 3 miles were tough!! I tried to run as much as I could, but had the odd walk break, each time wishing I hadn't because starting to run again was so difficult. At 11 miles, a man passed me with a slogan on the back of his t-shirt that said, "Pain is temporary, pride is forever". I decided to try and hang onto him for as long as I could and kept repeating the slogan to myself like a mantra. It helped a bit and finally we turned back into the racecourse with only a mile to go. I plodded on and soon I could hear the announcer calling people's names as they crossed the line, and finally the finish came into view. I'm afraid I didn't manage a sprint finish - it was all I could do to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. But I made it and finished in 2 hours 35 minutes...slower than I'd hoped for, but not too bad for my first attempt on a warm, sunny afternoon.

I think I'll do another half - maybe the Tewkesbury one next May...but I don't think I'd EVER do a full marathon! The thought of having to turn around and run the entire distance again...no way!!

Summer holidays

I admit, I wondered how I would fill the long summer break and keep both of them entertained, with no toddler groups or Playgroup for Jamie. But in the end we had a brilliant summer, and it flew past in no time at all.

We had a fab week in Woolacombe at the start of the holidays, where Daisy had her first proper dip in the sea. This was followed by a couple of birthday parties for Jamie's little friends, several play dates, afternoons in the paddling pool and trips to the Lido and Evesham Country Park to ride on the steam train. We also had a fun weekend camping at Silverstone racing circuit, watching World Series Renault and visiting friends.

I have to say though, that I'm looking forward to Jamie returning to Playgroup - not because I want to get rid of him, honest!! But because it will give more structure to our week. He'll be going for three mornings - Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. He'll spend Wednesday with Nanna Margaret, and Fridays will hopefully be a day for fun outings with me and Daisy. I deliberated over whether to send him for the full 5 mornings (which his funding would have covered), but in the end decided that three mornings will be enough for now, possibly increasing to 4 after Christmas. My reasoning was that this is the last year we'll have before he starts school and I want to spend plenty of time with him - while also gradually introducing him to the structure of attending school.

Obsessions

Jamie has many of these:

1. Green men - I've blogged before about the green man pedestrian crossing obsession, and it shows no signs of abating. I do try to just go with it, but it's a right pain in the a*se sometimes. If someone else has already pressed the button, he stops in his tracks and will not approach until it's gone back to red. The latest thing is that after crossing the road, he then wants to press the button again, then we carry on walking/scootering onwards on our journey, with him looking back behind him waiting to see the green man reappear. Gah! I've started to dread the walk to and from playgroup as there are about 8 crossings and it takes so bloody long!

2. Flushing the toilet - another one that has been around for several months, since the start of potty training really. He cries if he hears someone else flush our loo instead of him. I think it used to be a problem at playgroup, as they often told me he'd spent half the session in the loo - but more recently he's got very into painting and drawing, and I think that has distracted him a bit.

3. Switching the kettle on - he has to do it, or a crying fit will be the result. Same goes for pushing down the toast - and a new one, putting Daisy's nappies into the outside bin and recycling into the box - all these tasks must be carried out by Jamie, and Jamie alone.

4. Letters and numbers - he now knows all the letters, both upper and lower case, and numbers 0-10. Did you know that all lampposts and traffic lights have a number stuck on them? No? Well I do, because we have to stop at every single one (when walking obviously - not driving!) so that he can read them. Another reason why our walks to playgroup/tesco/anywhere really take twice as long as they should.

I do worry, though. Words like "aspergers" sometimes flash into my head, because he is SO dogmatic and determined about these things and just can't be swayed. I'm hoping it's just a phase. It's difficult when it's your first child, as it's hard to know what's normal and what isn't. I'm worried about his social skills at the moment too. Recently, when we've met up with friends and their kids, he's seemed to prefer to play on his own. He seems better with just one friend - he'll play then, but in a big group he doesn't always join in.

As for the letters - on the one hand, I'm proud of him for having learned them. But I know they teach reading via phonics at primary school, so he really needs to know the letter sounds, rather than their names. So I'm going to look for some books or videos on Youtube to see if I can get him saying the sounds. This has all come from him by the way - I haven't pushed it on him at all and didn't want to "teach" him anything so formal at this age. It worries me that when he starts school, he'll be bored if he already knows all the stuff they'll be learning. Or that I'll teach him it wrong and he'll have to unlearn everything. My mum tells me that I could read before I went to school, but times have changed and it's much more about learning through play at their age now. From what I've heard from primary teachers, the main things they need are a love of learning and of books - if they have those things, they'll do really well.

Holidays!

We had another week in Woolacombe last week. The weather wasn't brilliant - cool and cloudy mostly, but that didn't stop us having a good time. The holiday park has outdoor and indoor pools, so we did a lot of swimming, and also had a couple of barbecues, despite the lack of sunshine. Jamie loved the kids' entertainment in the evening - lots of cheesy music and dancing.



We had one day where the sun shone and the surf was perfect, so we had a fab day on the beach that day. Daisy had her first proper dip in the sea and loved it, it was so funny watching her paddling in, then turning and running away from the waves as they came towards her.



She's got another couple of words recently - chicken and duck :)

A true redhead

Up until fairly recently, I would have described Daisy's personality as "placid" and perhaps "easy-going". If people asked how I'd found having two kids, I'd have told them what a good, easy baby she has been, no trouble at all, etc etc.

Not any more! She seems to be developing a temperament to match her hair colour: fiery and feisty. She lets out a scream if something is taken off her (a common occurrence with Jamie around), she has a vice-like grip, surprising strength given her size, and getting her to let go of things is a real struggle. She can spot chocolate and crisps at a distance and makes it very clear what she wants, toddling over, pointing and gesturing. (And how bad do I feel that at a similar age, Jamie wouldn't even have known what chocolate and crisps were...an indication of how much more relaxed I've been about "bad" food second time around).

She's also becoming a total handful to take out to toddler groups and parks. I have to follow her around constantly as she loves to climb on things and get into all sorts of dangerous situations. When removed from these situations, she screams, cries, wriggles to be put down...all very reminiscent of toddler tantrums...she seems to think she's 2 years old, not 1! Luckily, Jamie is at an age where I can trust him to play fairly nicely unsupervised, so I can give most of my attention to the little daredevil.

She's so clever as well! I'm not saying this in an annoying boastful mummy way, honestly! Of course everyone thinks their child is clever - I think Jamie is too. But she seems to be doing things a lot sooner than he did and her understanding amazes me sometimes. In the interests of recording her progress (which is one of the main reasons for writing this blog) and NOT to show off (!), she can now say the following words/phrases, in context:

- ball

- tea (for a cup of tea, pretend or real)

- hat

- cat (both real life cats and ones she sees in books)

- dadda

- mumma

- there you go (when handing me something)

- yeah - this is the one that really stops me in my tracks - I'll say "do you want some milk Daisy?", and she'll say, "yeah".

- Yesterday, Jamie was filling the washing machine with laundry (still a favourite activity) and I was looking for the little cup that you put the washing gel into. Daisy spotted it under the table and crawled to get it - without me asking her to or pointing to it or anything.

I think I'm more shocked by what she can do because she's so petite and small that to me, she still looks like a baby. People are often surprised when I say she's 13 months as I think she looks younger.

I love seeing her personality emerging. And despite the fact that she's probably going to turn me grey very soon with her antics, I love that she's feisty and tough and can stand up for herself. I think Jamie's days of being top dog are numbered and fairly soon she's going to be bossing him around and twisting him round her little finger.

Room sharing update

It seems to have worked well! I've got the bedtime routine sorted - read them both a story on Jamie's bed, say goodnight to him and take Daisy to our room to feed her, then take her back in and put her in the cot - by which time, Jamie should be asleep.

We did have a bad week recently, where Daisy woke at around midnight, I went in and fed her as usual, and then she screamed blue murder when I tried to put her back down. Proper, hysterical screaming that no amount of controlled crying or shhh-patting would put an end to. We ended up having to carry Jamie into our room so he could sleep in our bed with Wayne, while I slept in his bed with Daisy. This went on for about 10 nights and we thought we were never going to be able to break the habit and get us all back in the right beds, but *fingers crossed* for the last 2 nights, she's only woken once at about 3am, and has settled quickly after a feed. Going from 7.30pm to 3am is the longest continual stretch she's slept for in...ooooh, about a year!! Long may it continue...who knows, maybe one day soon she'll actually sleep through the night!

Terrible threes?

So we had the terrible twos, the stage I have found most difficult so far in the parenting of Jamie, between about 2 years 3 months and 2 years 9 months. But for the 3 months or so approaching his third birthday, we seemed to enter calmer waters, he was altogether much more pleasant, better at communicating his needs, and I felt we were getting on really well.

However, things are beginning to change and it looks as though all that pleasantness was the calm before the storm, lulling me into a false sense of security that it would be plain sailing from here on in. (OK, I think that's enough nautical analogies for one blog post!)

He's become a lot more difficult recently. He's started pinching me and doing a really high-pitched scream whenever he's told "no" or something is taken off him. If he can't reach me to pinch, he'll look for Daisy and try to hit her. He'll also do things to be deliberately naughty - slamming doors, throwing things, messing about with the phone, etc. I'm trying to be consistent with him, and any of that behaviour results in "time out" in his room. I gave up on the naughty step a long time ago - he would just not stay put on it, and I had to stand over him to stop him from running off - which just gave him attention and he thought it was all hilariously funny. So he gets put in his room, giving us both space to cool down. I also try really hard not to shout, because that just sets him off even more. I find being relentlessly calm and lowering my voice works better - although in the heat of the moment I often do shout.

I still think a lot of it comes down to attention, and my crapness at giving him the quality attention he needs. I said a few posts back that I was going to try and spend more time doing things he likes, instead of relying on Cbeebies to keep him busy, and I have done that to some extent. I do get the paint, glue, glitter etc, out whenever he asks (which is nearly every day) and try not to stress about the mess that he creates. I have tried to sit with him when he's watching TV. I have tried to encourage him to help with cooking and washing up, instead of seeing it as an annoyance. But I know I could do more, and it's when I'm busy on the laptop or my phone that he often starts playing up - to get my attention. When he's occupied and doing something he enjoys, he's still my lovely, sweet little boy.

The Race for Life

I did my 10Km race for life this morning, in 1 hour and 10 minutes. In all honesty, I'm really disappointed with the time, as I've done it in 1.06 in training and was really hoping for a PB. I don't seem to perform well in races! I felt I'd prepared as well as I could have - I'd got my long run up to 8 miles, had done the 10K distance 3 or 4 times, ate breakfast really early, drank lots of water yesterday and this morning.

I do have a number of excuses: 1. It was very hot and sunny and there was no shade; 2. The course was much more hilly than I was expecting, in fact it was pretty much constant up and down; 3. The running surface was dodgy - a mixture of grass, tarmac, sand and some weird woodchip type stuff that I seemed to sink into. I think the heat was the main factor though - I just don't run well if it's sunny and the temperature climbs above about 18 degrees.

Still, I'm glad I did it, I raised £100 for Cancer Research UK, there was a great atmosphere and it was a good experience . But, as I was running, I was thinking about the half marathon in September and wondering how on earth I will be able to run over twice as far by then. It's only 2 months away now, so I have some serious training to do between now and then!

Things I love June 11

It's been a while since I last did this, so here are some of the things I love at the moment...

- Watching Daisy walk - she's like a little zombie with her arms stretched out in front of her as she totters along, huge grin on her face and looking so pleased with herself

- Picking her up after a nap when she's still sleepy and really cuddly

- Passing strangers in the street and hearing them say, "oh, isn't she cute..." as we walk by

- Her little voice saying "oh dear" and "ball" - these two are definitely said in context

- Picking Jamie up from playgroup - he runs at me and gives me a huge hug, really squeezes me tight

- When he spontaneously gives her a hug or kiss...sometimes when we're out walking, he'll make me stop, says "Daisy needs a kiss" and then goes to give her one...so cute!!

- He always gives her some of whatever snack I've given him - I love to see him thinking of her and sharing with her...makes me think that giving him a sibling has had lots of benefits, despite the resulting reduction in attention/one-to-one time

Room sharing experiment

Daisy's sleeping has showed no signs of improving lately, in fact it seems to be getting worse. She's been waking 4-5 times a night and has needed a feed each time to get her to resettle. We've had a couple of half-hearted attempts at controlled crying, but it just doesn't seem to work as she knows we're there in the room with her. So on Friday night, we decided to try putting her in with Jamie. I was very apprehensive about the whole thing, as he is such a good sleeper and I didn't want to mess that up, but I decided to go with it, as I knew we could always move her back again if it didn't work. And really, it couldn't get much worse than it already was!

So we moved her cot and explained to Jamie what was happening, read them both a story, gave Daisy her final feed and left them to it. On the first night, it took them ages to settle and go to sleep as Jamie kept getting out of bed and running to Daisy's cot, but once they were asleep, Daisy only woke once, at around 2.30am. This pattern has continued and I'm cautiously optimistic that this new arrangement seems to be working. We've learned that the best way of putting them to bed is to read them a story, say goodnight to Jamie, take Daisy out into our bedroom for a feed and then bring her back to Jamie's room, fingers crossed that he's gone to sleep. I also had a chat with him about staying in his bed if Daisy wakes him up crying in the night, and for the last few nights he's barely stirred when she's woken up. She is mainly now only waking up once, which is a huge improvement. We've has several early mornings though, as once one of them stirs, the other wakes up and then that's it - no chance of either going back to sleep. But at least I'm now getting some long stretches of sleep, instead of the very broken nights I was having.

PeeeeeeeeeeBeeeeeeeeee!

Since I started running, I've wanted to achieve the goal of being able to run 5Km in 30 minutes. The first time I did 5K, it took me over 38 minutes; that time has gradually come down, until today when I did it in 29 minutes and 58 seconds!! I was so happy when I saw my time, I almost cried (/saddo). I wasn't sure I'd ever get there, as my progress seemed to have slowed - but this was over a minute off my previous PB. The interval training I'm doing really seems to be improving my speed.

My endurance is also improving - yesterday I ran from our house in Cheltenham to Wayne's mum's in Tewkesbury - a distance of 7.64 miles, in absolutely pouring rain! It's amazing to me that I can now run that distance - a journey I would normally do in a car. I did get a few strange looks from motorists in their nice, warm, dry cars - probably thought I was mad. I have to say though, I'd rather have cold, wet weather than hot and sunny for running.

So my next goal is to do 10K in 60 minutes, but I think that's way off yet. There's no way I could maintain my 5K pace for twice the distance at the moment. I'm doing the Race for Life 10K in just over 2 weeks and I hope to do it in about 1 hour and 6 minutes.

Three years, two weeks, five days...

...that's how old Jamie is today. Why is that significant? Well, it's not really. But then again, it is, because he'll never be three years, two weeks and five days old again. Ever. He's in bed now and for him, today is done.

I've got an attack of the mummy guilts tonight. Now that I'm a stay at home mum, this is my job, and I'm definitely a case of "could do better" at the moment. Jamie was at playgroup this morning and I stayed with him to help out (all the parents have to take turns to do this), so when we got home and I'd cooked lunch and cleared up, I just wanted to sit and surf the net, have a cup of tea, continue my search for new jeans (have decided that, despite trying to be careful with money, I really NEED new jeans)...basically, just chill out and have a bit of me time. But of course Jamie wanted my attention, he wanted to do painting, he wanted to go in the garden and see the chickens...and all I wanted was for him to sit and watch Cbeebies quietly for a while. Yes, despite the fact that I've written on here before about my worries over how much TV he watches, I wanted him to watch more!

And now I feel really bad that I didn't get the paints out, didn't let him run riot in the garden, basically, didn't really spend any quality time with him. I know I'm not a bad mother, not really. We go out places every day, we do lots of different activities, we see friends. The very fact that I'm writing this means I'm reflecting on my parenting and that can't make me a bad mum. But I could do more, and I SHOULD do more. This is his life, and I want to fill it with as many happy memories as I can, of time spent having fun with me, of feeling valued and listened to.

So I'm going to try and do better, because as I said at the start, he'll never be this age again. Time with him is so precious, and it's flying by so quickly. Before too long he'll be at school and my time with him will be limited...someone else will see more of him than me during the day. I have a feeling that when I'm old, THIS time right now is what I'll remember as being the best of my life.

So from tomorrow, jeans can wait, facebook can wait, and I'm going to try harder to be a better mummy to him, to really savour every moment with him, to do fun things, things he wants to do. Even if that means picking up coloured pens off the floor zillions of times, wiping paint off the kitchen table and going out for a walk to cross roads.

Here are a few resolutions:

- I'm going to make sure he always has access to pens, paper, scissors and other arts and crafts stuff. I'll put it all out on the table each day and leave it there so it's available to him if he wants to use it - and not worry too much about the mess. He loves drawing, painting, cutting and sticking, and he's also really into letters and numbers, so I need to encourage that.

- If he wants to go out for a walk that basically involves crossing as many roads as possible so he can press the button and see the green man, then that's what we'll do. It doesn't matter if we don't actually go anywhere, we'll still be out in the fresh air (well, as fresh as it gets by main roads!), getting some exercise, and he'll be enjoying himself

- If he's watching TV, I'm going to try and sit and watch it with him, so I can talk to him about what he's watching, instead of using it as an opportunity to have a cup of tea in peace.

- I need to actively encourage him to help me with the cooking and washing up. He loves doing it, and it's a life skill. Yes, it makes it all take twice as long, but who cares really?

- When we read his bedtime story, I'm going to encourage him to read more than one book, and to choose different books. At the moment we always seem to read the same ones, and at that time of day I'm often keen to get him down for the night so I can start my evening. But I know how important reading is, especially for boys, and I want to nurture a love of books in him, as I really think that will stand him in good stead, educationally speaking.

The main thing though, is to keep at the front of my mind that he will NEVER have this day again, and nor will I. So we need to make the most of every second of it.

She's walking!

In my last post, I said that Daisy was doing a couple of steps independently - well now it's more like 5 or 6, so I think I can confidently say that she's walking.

Jamie went from walking with his walker, to walking properly, in the space of about a week at age 15 months. Daisy on the other hand, has been walking with the walker since she was about 9 months, but is only now daring to let go and take steps on her own. She looks so pleased with herself as she totters around, and I think she's had a light bulb moment where she's realised it's going to be quicker to walk than to crawl.

She's been quite a handful with her crawling and climbing for a while now - heading up stairs and climbing onto toy boxes, etc. so I don't think this new stage is going to be too much of a shock. What I am finding difficult, is taking them outside and letting them both run free - I need eyes in the back of my head to keep watch on them both. Last week, we went to a family fun day in Pittville Park, where there were lots of bouncy castles, slides and ball pools, and also LOADS of people. Jamie of course wanted to run around the various activities, but Daisy also wanted to be put down to crawl around. I had a heart-stopping moment at one point, where I took my eye off Jamie for a moment to check on Daisy, and when I looked back, he'd gone! Luckily I was with friends and they quickly spotted that he was playing on a slide not too far away. But it was terrifying for those few seconds. I can see there are going to be lots more moments like that in the future now that I have a little toddler.

Daisy, aged 1

So my little flower has turned 1, and is slowly but surely leaving her babyhood behind. She is almost walking now, and just this week has done a couple of steps independently. Most of the time, she crawls (at lightning speed), or sort of scoots on her bum, pulling herself along with one arm - quite comical to watch. I don't think it'll be long until she's toddling though.

She loves to play with Jamie's toys, in fact I think she'll get more use out of them than he has. She loves his garage, and quickly figured out how to line the cars up to go down the ramp. She still likes walking around with the baby walker or the new pushchair and dolly that she got for her birthday. She also makes a beeline for inappropriate objects - my phone, hot cups of tea, potties full of wee, and is showing signs of throwing toddler strops if things she wants are taken away from her.

Her sleeping is still not great, in fact she's waking probably 3-4 times every night for a feed. I'm not sure what to do about it, and have sort of got used to it. I think the only thing that will solve it is going into a room of her own - but that's not going to happen until we move house, so for now we'll just keep going as we are. Eating-wise she's doing really well and will try most things. She can feed herself finger foods easily, and I'm still giving her mashed stuff as well, partly in the hope that filling her up will make her sleep better. She's still breastfed, just having morning, evening and (multiple!) night feeds. I'm not planning to stop until she wants to, and she shows no signs of that at the moment.

She's just such a happy little thing. She only cries when tired or hungry, and most of the time is full of smiles. She went through a stage of crying at unfamiliar people, but she seems to be past that now and instead will flash a wide grin at anyone who looks her way. She can clap and wave, and if you stick your tongue out at her, she'll poke hers out back at you. She also seems to have a few words - which amazes me. She says "oh dear" if anything falls on the floor, and will also copy "apple" and "out".

She's a real mummy's girl and often only wants me. When she's tired she'll crawl into my lap, lie her head on my shoulder and suck her thumb, which just melts me on the inside. She's so pretty, with the most beautiful eyes and strawberry blonde hair. I still almost burst with pride every day that she's mine.

Jamie, aged 3

So my little man has turned 3, and more than ever it's clear not only that he isn't a baby anymore, but he isn't a toddler either. What is he then? Preschooler I suppose. Whatever you call it, he's going through a lovely stage at the moment.

I admit to finding him pretty difficult at times between the ages of 2 years 3 months and 2 years 8 months. There were many moments of public shame and private tearing my hair out! But since then, he seems to have matured a little, he can communicate his needs a lot better, and he has been lovely and sunny and (mainly) not too badly behaved. I think going to preschool might have helped, as it's taught him a bit about following rules. He's also blossomed socially and loves to play with other children. He seems a lot less shy and clingy than he did. Even his eating has improved - last week on holiday, he even ate veggie chilli - not just a taste but a whole bowl. This would have been unheard of a couple of months ago.

I still don't let him walk by the road without him being tethered to me via the backpack reins, as he still has a tendency to run off. But I am starting to trust him a little bit more and when we're in a fairly safe place, I will let him go. He still absolutely loves pressing the button to see the green man...in fact it's become something of an obsession. We no longer go out for walks to the park or to feed the ducks - we go to cross roads!

He still likes Cbeebies, but not as much as he did a few months ago. His favourite programmes are Something Special, Gigglebiz, Show Me Show Me, Big Cook Little Cook, and Mr. Bloom. Now though, he'd rather help with cooking or washing up (which often results in a flooded kitchen!) He will sit at the table for up to an hour cutting, sticking, drawing and painting, which is lovely to watch. I try not to interfere too much or direct him to draw a certain thing - I just let him get on with it and then clear up the mess afterwards!

His speech is really good - he can hold proper conversations and comes out with the funniest things. His most overused phrases at the moment are, "what's that?" and "what you doing mummy?" - uttered hundreds of times a day! He's really into letters and numbers, and can recognise a lot of the alphabet and most of numbers 0-9. He's also getting good at doing jigsaw puzzles.

He's such a loving little boy. Daisy is always getting cuddles and kisses from him and so are we. He's very gentle with other kids and so far I haven't had to deal with any hitting, pinching, etc aimed at other children. He's transformed from a baby to a little boy in the past year, a boy with very definite likes and dislikes, who knows exactly what he wants and how to get it. I can't believe that in a year from now he'll be getting ready to go to school.

So yes, that's Jamie at 3. A blond haired, blue eyed bundle of energy with a huge zest for life and a cheeky grin, who can turn me to mush with a "love you mummy", and who infuriates me and makes me indescribably proud every single day.

The training starts here

So after doing some googling, I have created myself a training programme for the 10K and half marathon that I've signed up for. I will be running 4 times a week and doing:

Mon: Easy run (to recover from the long weekend run)
Wed: Tempo run - attempting to run at race pace for as long as possible - perhaps doing it in intervals
Fri: Speed work - sprint intervals and maybe some hill runs
Sun: Long, slow run - starting at 5 miles, reaching 7 or 8 miles before the 10K race (which is 6.2 miles) and then building up to 13 miles before the half marathon.

That's the plan anyway.

Obviously I need to be flexible with it at times when life gets in the way, but I really hope I can stick to it. The 10K race is fairly soon so I'm aiming just to complete that one, rather than worrying too much about time. More than anything though, I want to get a decent time for the half marathon. I'd love to do it sub 2 hours, but I don't think that will be possible - given it's 21K at I can't even do 5K in 30 mins yet! But I'm hoping for around 2 hours 15 mins, which I think is a fairly respectable time for a first half, and should be doable, as long as I train hard.

Holidays and more birthdays

We got back today from a lovely week down in Woolacombe. The weather wasn't brilliant - it was cool and very windy - but we did have some sunny days and were able to spend some time on the beach. We also went swimming quite a few times, which both the kids loved.

It was Daisy's birthday on Thursday. I felt so emotional the day before and on the day itself. It's been a whole year since that incredible night, but I still think about it nearly every day, and still can't really believe it happened in the way it did. It's like it was a dream, but one I relive every so often and try and remember every moment of it. We took the birthday girl (and her bro) for a swim, then to the beach, and then out for some tea. Once she was in bed Wayne and I had a chat about it and he told the story from his point of view...although I knew how it had been for him, we haven't really spoken about it much in the last year. I realised how scary it must have been to arrive home and find two ambulances in the street outside your house, with blue lights flashing. It must have been terrifying. He said he thought he'd lost us. I am really lucky that it all ended happily.

Happy birthday baby girl xxx

Our first race

The day dawned stormy and windy, with ominous looking black clouds all around. We had breakfast, got the kids sorted and then drove over to Tewkesbury, dropping Daisy with my mum, and Jamie with Wayne's mum. We then pinned on our numbers and walked to the start line. It was very busy as there were around 1000 competitors doing the half marathon, and 300 or so doing the fun run.

The half marathon started at 9.30am and then it was our turn to line up. That's when the nerves really kicked in and the doubts about whether I could actually do it. Wayne had said he'd run with me for the first couple of miles and then might go off ahead if he felt able to, but in the end he started at a much faster pace than me and was very quickly disappesring off into the distance. I wasn't tempted to try and keep up as I could see my pace on my Runkeeper app, and it was already faster than I usually started.

So we ran through the town and out through Newtown with the half marathon runners, and I caught a few of them up and ran with them. There were lots of people lining the Ashchurch Road and clapping, which spurred me on a bit, but I felt pretty sluggish right from the outset, and then started getting a stitch. We turned towards Northway and then the half marathon runners went one way, and we went the other, back towards town. At this point I was running pretty much on my own, and into the very strong wind, so it was a long and lonely stretch and I was finding it pretty hard. As we went through Mitton, a lady caught me up and asked if I thought we'd done 4 miles yet. I could see from Runkeeper that we were only on about 3.4 miles! I tried to stay with her for a while but eventually she pulled away.

Once I reached the High Street, I knew the finish wasn't too far away and I felt a bit better, but I knew I was going slow and already felt disappointed with my performance. I turned onto the Vineyards and could see the finish, and sped up a bit as I ran past Wayne's mum and Jamie, and then a bit further on I saw Wayne, my mum and Daisy. I went through the finish in 51.40 which was a PB for me - although according to Runkeeper, the route was a little less than 5 miles. I picked up my medal and goodie bag, and then found Wayne, who gave me a big hug to say well done. He had really pushed himself, and finished in 43 minutes, which was a really excellent time.

I admit I felt a bit gutted that I didn't do better, but I enjoyed the experience and I think I've been bitten by the race bug and want to do more - and get faster. So I'm planning to enter the 10K Race for Life in July, and (eeek!) the Cheltenham half marathon in September. I'm really excited about putting together a training programme and trying to push myself - so that I finish those races feeling 100% proud of my performance, rather than feeling a bit disappointed.

EDITED TO ADD: A couple of days after the race I came down with the cough/cold that the kids have had an almost completely lost my voice - so I think that might be why I found it so hard on Sunday.

Jamie is three!

Today is Jamie's 3rd birthday and we've had an absolutely lovely day.

It didn't get off to the best of starts though! We got to the soft play centre 10 minutes before it was due to open and could see the staff milling around in the very gloomy interior, obviously trying to fix something. Some of our party guests began arriving, as well as some other people (who turned out to be there for another party), and it was clear that they weren't going to be opening the doors at 10am to let us in. Eventually one of the staff came out and said they were having problems with the lighting, that someone was coming out to fix it, and that for now we couldn't come in.

So we stood around outside, with me feeling more and more stressed by the minute, imagining them saying they were cancelling the party...and then what would we do? There were too many people to come back to ours really, but it would be awful to turn everyone away, and for Jamie to have his birthday treat spoiled.

Thankfully, at about twenty past, they let me and Wayne in, and we could see that although some of the lights weren't working, others were on, and that combined with the natural light coming in through the windows, meant that actually, it wasn't very dark at all. The man in charge (who I used to teach!!) said we and the other party people could come in and that they'd put some staff around the soft play equipment to keep an eye on everyone and make sure they were ok in the gloomy conditions. He also said he'd extend the party by half an hour, and gave us tickets so that all the adults could get a free drink.

So we were underway, and from that moment on it was great. The kids all loved it, and because there was only us and the other party there for most of the morning, it was very quiet compared to a normal Saturday morning. After about 90 mins, we were called to go and sit down in our party area, where the food was brought out. Then, Paddy Pig came out with the cake we had made for Jamie an Daisy - which aptly enough, was decorated with two pigs! After that, the kids had ice creams, and then they said they'd do some party games - which I was a bit unsure about as I thought the kids were a bit young - but it turned out fine and they had a game of musical bumps. Then, the party bags were given out and it was time to go. Everyone seemed to have had a lovely time and I was so touched by all the lovely presents and cards for the kids, as well as the fact that everyone had made the effort to be there, at pretty short notice (due to our rubbish planning!)

We headed home for some lunch with Wayne's mum, and then my mum, aunt and uncle came over for tea and cake, and we opened all the presents. We decided to open Daisy's as well in the end, so that we didn't have to take them all on holiday with us. They both had some lovely things, we were very lucky.

Once they were both in bed, Wayne and I sat down for chip shop chips and a few glasses of wine - excellent preparation for our race tomorrow! (the pre-race junk food and wine was recommended by Nick, who has run several marathons, so he should know it works!)

All in all it has been a brilliant day! Can't believe my little man is 3 years old! Happy birthday Jamie!

Back in the game!

The running game, that is. I'd fallen off the wagon recently, what with holidays, getting the house ready for sale and Daisy's sleep going downhill again. I hadn't been running for almost 3 weeks and had become quite disheartened with it all - thinking that I would be better and faster by now, and worrying about the prospect of our 5 mile run in a month's time.

But I forced myself to get back out there and have changed my mindset. I had become really hung up on improving my 5K time - my aim is still to get it below 30 mins and although I am creeping gradually closer (PB at the moment is 31.39), whenever I was slower than that, I felt as though I was failing. So I decided to focus on increasing my distance instead, with the aim of being able to run 5 miles/8km ready for our race. So I did several longer runs - 6km, 7km and finally 8km! It feels great to know that I can do it - even though I'm super-slow. It's as much a mental thing as a physical one, getting into the right frame of mind to be able to run for an hour. I hope that, if I keep doing the longer distances, my endurance will increase and my 5K time will naturally improve as a result. I'm even thinking of entering a 10K race as well.

So bring on the Tewkesbury Fun Run, I am ready for you!!

It's May!

...and that can only mean one thing for us - birthday month! I seem to write "I can't believe..." a lot in this blog - but how is it possible that Jamie is almost 3 and Daisy is almost a whole year old? A year ago I was starting my last week at work before maternity leave. Where has that year gone? How has Daisy transformed from a tiny newborn to an almost-toddler? How has Jamie turned into such a little boy? Time passes so quickly.

As well as the birthdays, we also have our 5 mile fun run coming up, and a holiday in Woolacombe to look forward to, so it looks like being a busy month.

Four in a bed

We decided at the last minute to go camping in Woolacombe for the Easter weekend. The weather was set to be beautiful, and the surf was also looking good, so despite my reticence to give up my creature comforts, we went for it. Luckily our tent is massive, but despite the fact that it has 2 bedroom compartments, we all ended up sleeping in the same bed. We discovered too late that the inflatable mattress we'd bought for Jamie was tiny and he'd never sleep on it - so the plan was for he and Wayne to share the double one, I'd sleep on the single one, and Daisy would be in her travel cot. But in the middle of the first night, after Daisy woke for a feed and woudldn't go back to sleep (she's teething), the only solution seemed to be for us all to squash in together. It wasn't as bad as it sounds!



We had a lovely weekend, spent a lot of time on the beach, Wayne and I took it in turns to surf, and we had a couple of nice meals out.




I have to admit though, I was quite glad to come back to my comfy bed and hair straighteners!!

For sale!

After months of DIY and decorating, our little pink house is finally on the market. The estate agent came to take the photos today, so we did some mad cleaning and decluttering over the weekend to get it looking its best. I don't think we could have done much more. Now we just have to keep it looking pristine at all times in case of viewings. I hope it sells quickly - now that we've made the decision to move to Tewkesbury, I just want to be there, getting settled in, getting Jamie into a preschool and choosing which primary to apply for.

But, I will feel sad when we eventually leave this house. It's the first one we bought together, our first family home where we brought Jamie to from hospital...and I think most momentous of all, it's where Daisy was actually born.

Update on my little flower

So Daisy is almost 10 months old and is developing so quickly, I can barely keep up! She is now pulling herself up on everything and cruising around the furniture. She can also walk really well with the v-tech walker...which I find amazing, as Jamie didn't master it til almost 15 months.



Her latest tricks are clapping and waving - she understands the phrase "clap your hands" and will oblige happily.




Her sleep has been a lot better recently - we usually only get one wake up a night now, although she does wake for the day pretty early, around 6am. This is fine in the week, but I could really do with her sleeping a bit later at weekends. Still, I shouldn't complain - I'm just glad we're not having the 3 wake ups and staying wide awake thing anymore.



She's just a joy, so happy and content and smiley. She and Jamie are playing together more and more - his favourite game is "Daisy chase me", which involves him running into a room, waiting for her to crawl after him, cracking himself up laughing and then running away to somewhere else. The sound of the pair of them giggling and laughing is just magic.

As much as I love seeing her grow and learn new things, it's tinged with a little bit of sadness that her babyhood is slowly slipping away. It honestly seems like yesterday that she was a tiny little thing lying in her moses basket on the kitchen table, sleeping most of the day away. Which is why I love sneaking into the bedroom when she's asleep and having a look at her in her cot - because when she's asleep in her babygro, inside her grobag, she looks like a little baby again...it's like stepping back in time for a moment.

Fun at the farm

We had a lovely day out at Cotswold Farm Park today. It was the first day of the new season, so very busy, but there are enough activities and things to do and see, that it didn't feel too overcrowded. Jamie enjoyed stroking some very cute new lambs and chicks, going on a tractor ride and playing in the sandpit and on the bouncing pillows. Daisy also loved the sand and was an angel all day, even though she didn't get her lunchtime nap until we left at 3pm.

There's a weird symmetry about going today, as I took Jamie there almost exactly 2 years ago when he was Daisy's age. I remember thinking that it would be a brilliant place to go once he'd got a bit bigger, and I was right. We'll definitely be going back.

Spoke too soon...

The crying at playgroup drop-off has begun *sob*

Yesterday morning, we told Jamie about going to his special playgroup, and he seemed happy about it, talking about playing on the slide with the boys and girls. In the car on the way there, he was still fine, but as we pulled up, his little face fell into a huge pout and he said, "want to go home". We went into the foyer to wait for them to open the doors, and he was clearly not happy about being there, asking to go back in the green van. I took him in and kissed him goodbye, and he started crying, really sobbing :( His key person gave him a cuddle and I left as quickly as possible. When I picked him up, they said he'd been fine - although still not sitting still for stories, and still going into the bathroom to play with the taps whenever they turned their backs.

So I was very apprehensive about dropping him off today, although I did try and be really positive about it to him. He started wailing as soon as we got inside, and once again I had to leave him crying, which was really hard. Another mum, who I know fairly well, came out and said he'd settled down fine and was playing with her daughter, which was nice to hear. When I went to pick him up at lunchtime, they said he'd been really good today, had settled fine, no more crying and had followed all the rules about sitting down, etc. I was really happy to hear that he'd been good, as I was starting to worry a bit that he was causing them trouble - running around when he should have been sitting down, etc.

I've decided that it's best if I walk him to playgroup each day - that way I can time it so that I arrive bang on 9am and we can go straight in - instead of getting there early when we drive and having to wait around (necessary in order to get a parking space). I think I also need to accept that he'll probably cry most of the time when I drop him off for a good while. It's not as though he's going every day - it's only Thurs and Fri, so there's a long gap in between the days he attends. As long as he's fine once I've gone, then I think it's pretty normal and probably happens with most kids.

I still feel that starting playgroup now is a good thing for him, in order to ease him in gradually to being away from me. It's just so hard leaving him crying and walking away.

Slow down...

Time, that is. It's all going too quickly and I want to stretch it out a bit longer because I feel as though I don't get enough chances to savour the moments with these two little people...before the moments are gone forever.

Recently I talked about how Jamie suddenly seems so grown up. It hit me the other day that, however challenging it can be sometimes having a 2 year old, he'll never be 2 again. He'll never be at THIS particular moment and stage again. Will I forget what he was like at 2 years 9 months old? It scares me that I probably will - in the same way that I find it hard to remember him as a newborn or a 1 year old.



It's the same with Daisy. Most of the time I still think of her as a little baby, but she's not. When I look at her objectively, as others would, I can see that she's slowly but surely becoming more like a toddler. And yet to me, it feels like no time at all since the night she was born. I find it hard to believe that she's only a couple of months away from her 1st birthday.



It's all going too quickly and I could really do with time slowing down for a while and letting me embed each memory in my mind so it stays forever. That's why this blog is important to me - a way of grabbing hold of moments and pinning them down in print and pictures, describing them and trying to capture the essence of what our lives are like RIGHT NOW. So that in years to come, when I try to remember what it was like having a 2yr9m old and a 9 month old, I can look back and have my memory jogged.

Slight running fail...

What with going away for the weekend and the stress/excitement of Jamie starting playgroup, I've slacked off with the running a little recently. I am determined to crack on with it again though now, as our 5 mile fun run is coming up in a couple of months and I want to feel comfortable running that distance and try and do a half-decent time.

I went out and did a 7K run yesterday, which was ok but I was sooo slow. Not helped by a posh woman in a range rover stopping me to ask directions to the racecourse...ahh, the joys of race week are upon us! Couldn't she see I had my Runkeeper app going?? Anyway, it was good to do a longer distance than I've ever done, just to see what it feels like mentally (as I find the mental side as challenging as the physical - just convincing myself to keep going) to keep running for almost an hour.

Today, Wayne and I went out intending to do an 8km/5mile run. I think he got a bit overconfident though - the most he's ever done up to now is 5k and I reckon he thought those extra 3k would be no problem at all. After a while he asked how far we'd gone (the lovely lady on the Runkeeper app tells me every 0.5km), and was shocked to find we'd only done 3.5k. He quickly revised his target distance to 5K, so we completed that in a time way off my PB.

I now have the beginnings of a cold (thanks, kids!), so I'm not sure when I'll get out again, but I need to keep the momentum going and not leave it so long this time.

When did he get so grown up?

Jamie has now done two more days at playgroup, and it's still going well. In the morning, when I tell him he's going to his "special playgroup", he isn't fazed at all and seems happy to be going. He runs in and straight off to play with barely a backward glance at me, and tells me afterwards about all the things he's been doing.

One of the first things his keyworker said to me when I picked him up today was, "he likes water doesn't he?"...apparently he keeps going to flush the toilet and wash his hands, every time her back is turned. I explained about us having chickens, making hand-washing a frequent thing, and also that he's very recently been toilet trained...I think these two things together have resulted in a bit of an obsession with all things hygiene and bathroom-related.

He seems so grown up all of a sudden...he's morphed from a toddler into a preschooler in the past couple of weeks. I'm so impressed with how well he took to potty training - we've had no accidents for ages now and it seems to be totally sorted. And I'm even more impressed with how he's handled starting playgroup. I've said before about how I've worried about him being shy and finding new social situations difficult. But I've seen no sign of any of that - he's just accepted it and thrown himself into it, as I'd always hoped he would.

You question yourself a lot as a parent and worry all the time about whether you're doing a good job...hoping that you aren't screwing them up and just wanting them to be happy, well-adjusted people. The past few weeks have shown me that we aren't doing too badly with Jamie. I still want to be better - I still feel that I don't do enough with him at home and rely on TV to entertain him too much. But I am ridiculously proud of him at the moment, as I see his personality develop and reveal itself...he's such a lovely little boy!

Sun, sand and swimming

We got back yesterday from a fab long weekend down in Woolacombe. The sun shone pretty much the whole time, although it was chilly, and we were able to spend a lot of time on the beach. Jamie and Daisy loved playing on the sand (I think Daisy might have eaten a fair amount..!), making sandcastles, collecting shells, and digging holes. We also went swimming every day at the holiday park, which Jamie absolutely LOVED...in fact, since we've been back, he's asked to go to the "'wimming pool" many times, and I think I'll have to start making it a regular thing for him.



It was great to have some time together, to relax (as much as you can with 2 children who insist on still waking up at 6.30am, despite being on holiday!!) and have fun together.



Before we went away, Jamie did his first session at playgroup on his own. He was a total star - he went in with no tears at all, said goodbye and ran off happily, and was apparently fine for the whole time. Not sure whether I should be offended that he didn't seem to miss me! No, really I'm absolutely thrilled that he's taken to it so well, it's such a relief as I'd expected him to hate it at first.

Playgroup Day 1 complete!

I took Jamie for his first session at playgroup today. I was so nervous beforehand, wondering how he'd react to the new environment and how he'd behave, even though I was staying with him. I thought that if it went badly, I'd have a nightmare bringing him again tomorrow when he'd be staying on his own. All in all though, he did really well. He ran straight off and played when we arrived, and the playleader actually said "oh he's very confident, has he been to nursery?" He enjoyed all the free play time, but was less keen on sitting still for the songs and stories. Still, it's all new to him and perhaps he'll "conform" more with the rules and do what the other kids do when I'm not there.

So tomorrow he goes it alone, and then we'll be picking him up and heading straight down to Woolacombe for a long weekend!

Daisy the intrepid stair climber!

Eeeek! She's started pulling herself up to standing on the bottom step of the stairs and trying to climb upwards. Time to reinstate the stairgate I think! We've moved it onto the door of Jamie's room, so I suppose we'll have to buy a new one.







She's getting herself into everything at the moment, and her crawling is amazingly fast when she sees something she wants. Latest favourite is muddy shoes, yuk! The other day, I went out into the garden with Jamie very quickly, just to chuck a bucket of food into the chickens, and had left Daisy on the kitchen floor. A moment later, I turned back towards the house to see her trying to climb out of the back door!!

A little sleep update - we had a bad night on Sunday night, where she was awake from 1-3am and just would not settle unless I had my hand on her tummy. We tried leaving her to cry for quite a while, but she just got hysterical and her cry is soooo hard to hear - it's like a fear or pain cry - actually more of a scream than a cry. I think we both decided that controlled crying isn't going to work on her - especially not when she's in our room with us.

Anyway, last night I moved her into our big travel cot, and we had a much better night. She woke once at 3.45am - the longest stretch she's gone without waking for absolutely ages - and then at 6am. I noticed that she's rolled onto her tummy to sleep, so perhaps learning to sleep on her front is the breakthrough we needed. Fingers are tightly crossed!

A big week ahead

I'm feeling very apprehensive about this week, because this is the week that Jamie starts playgroup. I had been really excited to find out he'd got a place, but as it's got closer and closer, I've been worrying more and more about how he's going to get on.

He seems to find new situations and new people quite intimidating sometimes, so I really don't know how he's going to handle being left there without me. He's never been left with anyone apart from our mums before in his whole 2 years and 9 months, so it's a huge thing for him (and me!) If I had to predict what's going to happen, I'd say he'll probably throw a huge strop and spend the whole morning crying and refusing to take part in anything. But I really hope he surprises me and is ok with it all. I know most children his age find it takes a while to settle at preschool, so it's to be expected really.

I've been trying to prepare him for it by explaining what's going to happen, but I don't think he really gets it. I'm staying with him for the morning on Thursday, which in a way is good as hopefully it'll get him more comfortable with the place and the new people...but on the other hand it'll then be harder to leave him on his own on Friday, and possibly will be confusing for him as I was there the day before.

Anyway, hopefully it'll all go fine, and we have a long weekend away to look forward to afterwards. We are off down to Woolacombe on Friday afternoon until Monday, and I'm really looking forward to having some time together, taking the kids swimming and to the beach (hopefully, if it's not too wet or cold).

Quality time

We don't seem to have had much time together as a family recently. Wayne is obviously working all week, and has been spending every weekend since Christmas doing DIY on the house, trying to get it looking tip-top for when we put it up for sale.

Today though, we decided to ditch the paintbrushes and go out for some fun. Well, "fun" is one word to describe the soft play centre on a rainy Saturday morning..."mad" might be a more accurate one though! Jamie had a great time running round with his Daddy (I think Wayne quite enjoyed the big slide, too), and Daisy and I were able to go into the baby area, where she could have a go in the Jumperoo (loved it!) and ball pool. I had been worried about Jamie having a wee (or worse!) accident while he was distracted and busy playing, but we took him to the toilet regularly, and he was fine.



Afterwards, we headed to Wetherspoons for a pub lunch, and for the first time, both our babies sat in highchairs eating with us. Jamie was pretty well behaved as long as he was kept busy with colouring and eating. Daisy was an angel as always, and attracted many an admiring glance from the old ladies sat nearby.



So all in all, a nice day out and just what we needed to recharge our batteries.

A lovely day with my boy

Sometimes I feel as though all I do is shout at Jamie and tell him off. Given the number of times he hears "Jamie, no!" in a day, I wouldn't be surprised if he thought his middle name was "no". He's just a bundle of energy and wants to be involved in everything, and that can be frustrating when I'm trying to get on with household tasks. I have to remember though, that he is just being a typical 2-and-three-quarter year old who wants my attention and doesn't always get enough of it.



So today, I left Daisy with Wayne's mum and took Jamie out for some quality time with mummy. First, we went to Pittville Park and he had a great time seeing the chickens, playing in the playground and feeding the ducks. Then, after a stop-off at home for lunch, we went swimming at the leisure centre. It's the first time I've taken him there since I was about 38 weeks pregnant with Daisy. He had a fab time and seems to really be getting the hang of swimming - albeit with arm bands and an inflatable ring round his middle! He loved climbing out and then jumping back in, making a big splash.

It was really lovely to spend some time just the two of us, and I definitely plan to make it a regular thing. He has been so fab since Daisy was born and it can't have been easy for him, suddenly having to share our time, not always being the centre of attention, being expected to be the "big boy" instead of the baby he had previously been.

(I was also very happy to have my little girl back again when we picked her up, and got the biggest grin and squeal, so I think she might have missed me!)

Life changing letter

I posted my resignation letter to school yesterday. It feels like a huge moment, even though I'd decided ages ago that I was going to quit. It's funny, because all I've wanted since I had Jamie is to be a SAHM, and now that I'm going to actually be one, I feel a bit...flat.

I suppose it will just take a bit of getting used to. I've always been the main wage earner, and so to not be earning anything at all is bound to feel a bit odd. We've always had a "what's mine is yours" attitude to money in our relationship, but I still think I might feel uncomfortable spending money on myself when I'm not earning any.

But, it is totally the right decision for me, and us as a family. Money is going to be tight and I don't know whether we'll be able to afford any luxuries, new clothes, holidays, etc. I'm happy to give those things up though. These two are only going to be small for such a short time; I'm shocked at how fast the time is already going. So I feel lucky that I'm going to be able to spend as much time with them as possible. It's just going to take a bit of adjusting to my new "job".

Tag team kids

These two are really keeping us on our toes at the moment - one is a pain in the day, and the other in the night...sometimes I wish they would synchronise their antisocial habits so we at least get SOME peace!

Actually, that's being a bit unfair. Jamie has been pretty good for the past couple of days and is still doing well with the potty training. He still isn't telling me when he needs to go, but he hasn't had any accidents today and is taking himself to the potty on his own. He's been bare bummed for most of the day in the house, so I still need to work with him on getting his pants down! I caved and bought some pull-ups yesterday for him to wear when we're out. He was in one for an hour this morning when we went to tesco, and for over 1.5 hours this afternoon at the park, and both times they were dry when we got home, so he's obviously able to hold his bladder while we're out.

I'm not sure whether his behaviour might be getting slightly better now, or perhaps it's that his understanding is better so it's becoming possible to reason with him. I still worry when going out for walks, as he's always been prone to refusing to walk anywhere but where he wants to go. I always have some kind of snackage secreted about my person as an incentive (bribe) to get him to go where I want. Today, it took a couple of biscuits to get him to leave the park and walk home nicely, but he did do it and I didn't have to carry out my threat of putting him back in the pushchair if he didn't walk with me (thank goodness for the double!) He had a fab time feeding the "ducks and 'wans", and playing on the "'lide".







We had a bad night with Daisy last night. She woke at 12.30 and didn't go back to sleep after I fed her - instead she became wide awake and was shouting, shrieking and babbling away. In the end I tried to feed her again in the hope of getting her back to sleep, but she refused, and when I put her back in her basket, she was not impressed and started screaming. I tried patting her, putting my hand on her tummy, ignoring her and letting her cry, and nothing worked - she just got more and more hysterical. In the end I picked her up and managed to get her to have a feed, and she did then go back to sleep, but all this had taken over an hour. She then woke again at 4-something and 6am.

It's all really catching up with me, I am totally shattered today and absolutely desperate for a decent night's sleep. Controlled crying is looking like it might be our only option, but it's going to be SO hard if we do it, especially as she's in our room. We did it with Jamie but he was in his own room and so there was a bit of distance between us and him that made the crying slightly easier to bear. I don't know, I think I need to stop feeding her in the night as she's become reliant on it to go back to sleep, But then, what if some of the wake ups are due to hunger? She's only small so they might be. I'm going to put up the travel cot tomorrow and see if she'll nap in there instead of the moses basket, as she really will grow out of that soon.

Right, off to bed for me, hoping and wishing for a better night tonight *yawn*.