Goodbye 2010...

This year started off pretty badly. Wayne had just had to wind up his business and was officially unemployed. I was about to go back to work full time, absolutely dreading it but knowing we needed the money or we could end up losing the house. The lowest point was probably one bleak January morning when bailiffs came knocking at the door at 7am to repossess Wayne's plumbing van...he had to unload the entire contents, all his tools, into the kitchen while 2 big, burly men watched his every move. Awful, awful times. The only good things were of course Jamie, and bump no.2 who was about 20 weeks old in my tummy.

Things continued to be pretty tough, Wayne struggled to find any work but eventually was forced to resort to a minimum wage job in a plant nursery. My gran was very ill and we almost lost her in March, but she is a tough cookie and hung on. I was hating every minute of being at work, counting down the minutes til I could leave, and even considered starting maternity leave early to get away from it.

But then one amazing night in May, our beautiful Daisy was born and since then things have just got better and better. She has been an angel from the start, Jamie adapted well to being a big brother, and life as a family of four felt so right. Then in September, Wayne got a new job and suddenly everything changed - I no longer needed to go back to work and could have the thing I'd always so badly wanted - to be a stay at home mum to my gorgeous babies. The icing on the cake was our engagement on my birthday in November.

And finally, a shout out to my gran, Edith, who is 95 years old and still fighting on. She's in a nursing home now and is very frail, but she is a total inspiration to me and I'm so proud of her.

Running!

I've always wanted to be able to run. At school I was good at sprinting, and loved doing the 100 metres, but cross country was a different story - I HATED it! A few years ago, I decided I was going to learn to run, and entered the Cheltenham Race for Life. I started doing a walk/run program, which builds you up gradually to being able to run for 30 minutes. And I did it - I completed the R4L on a boiling hot July day, and it was great. Then I stopped, and although I did a lot of exercise - body pump and combat classes at the gym and kickboxing lessons, I never went back to running.

Skip forward 4 years and I haven't done any proper exercise since I was about 16 weeks pregnant with Jamie. The other day, a friend tagged me in a photo on Facebook, that was taken at a wedding we went to in July. Daisy was about 8 weeks old at the time. Well, I looked huge! I know I had recently given birth, and I was wearing quite unflattering clothes, but the image stuck in my head and I decided there and then that I was going to start running again. I talked to Wayne and he said he'd look after the kids when he gets home from work at 4.15pm, so that I can go out running.

I'm following the walk/run program again, which starts with "run 60 secs, walk 90 secs, x 8 reps". Doesn't sound like much to run for a minute, but it's soooo hard! I am determined to stick with it though, as I know it works and in a few weeks I'll be able to run for 30 mins...seems like an impossibility at the moment but I am going to get there!

Teeth!

I was holding Daisy in her favourite position this morning, up on my lap where she can see everything that's going on, and she pulled my finger into her mouth for a chew. It was then I discovered that her two bottom front teeth are just poking through! I'm quite surprised to see them so early, and also that both have come through together. Jamie got his first one at about 8.5 months.

On closer inspection, I can see that there are more just waiting under the gums to come through. It explains why she's been a bit clingy of late - just wanting to be held all the time. It makes getting things done quite tough when she's permanently wedged under my arm...but a good excuse for doing as little as possible!

6 months old and weaning time!

So, my little girl is now 6 months old and it's time for some proper food (well, if you can call pureed parsnip "proper"). I can't believe she's been around for half a year already, the time honestly has flown and it scares me that in the blink of an eye I'll be saying the same thing about her first birthday. I often think back to the night she was born...it's still very raw and emotional - in a good way I think, but I do sometimes think about what might have happened if she hadn't popped out pink and crying. I get flashbacks quite often to moments from that night, and I suppose my overriding feeling is that I'm so incredibly lucky. Not just that she was born healthy and well and didn't need any medical intervention (although that is the most important thing), but also that I'm so privileged to have shared that moment with her. No one else was there, it was just us and I do feel fortunate to have experienced that. I'd never plan a birth with no medical halp available, but there is something amazing about having done it on my own.

Anyway, back to weaning... For a few weeks now I've been cooking and pureeing fruit and veg, freezing it in ice cube trays all ready for the big day. So today we got the camera ready and offered Daisy her first food to try. She seemed to get the idea fairly quickly that it had to go to the back of her mouth instead of being pushed back out again. It seems such a big step as she is still really little and it's strange seeing her sat up in the highchair.

2.5 and counting

Jamie is 2 and a half years old today...significant in my mind because the Toddler Taming book says the most difficult time for tantrums is between 1.5 and 2.5 years...so he should start growing out of them from now on, right?!

He's going through a phase where he says "no" to everything I offer him, even things he actually does want. And then has a big strop when I don't give him something he said he didn't want! It can be very tiring! Generally he is very good though, I just have to anticipate the tantrum triggers and try and avoid them. The biggest of all is "Pressing the Button to see the Green Man" when crossing the road. He is OBSESSED with it. The trouble is, once the green man appears and the road has been crossed, he wants to press the button again to go back over. A refusal on my part usually results in him throwing himself on the pavement and crying loudly for all to hear. As I have Daisy in the pushchair, I can't just pick him up and haul him home. The only solution seems to be bribery..."if you walk nicely, we will go and see the chickens when we get home" is the usual one, although I have also resorted to offers of crisps and biscuits... *bad mummy alert*

He is fab though. He can now count to 4o...yes FORTY!! And can recite the alphabet (although gets a bit stuck around u,v,w). He knows what letters and numbers look like, so I suppose the next step is to teach him to recognise individual ones. He also loves to sing and does a good rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle" and "Baa Baa Black Sheep". He's generally very good with Daisy and she absolutely LOVES him - her face lights up and she squeals in delight when she sees him.

So, he's now closer to three years old than two...scary! He'll be going to school soon!

A birthday proposal!

So, yesterday was my 32nd birthday, and it didn't get off to the best of starts. We were due to be staying over at Wayne's mum's that evening, so I had a lot of bags to pack into the van. I decided to let Jamie sit in the "big boy seat" in the front of the van, to keep him occupied for a moment while I loaded everything in. Big mistake! Once we were all packed and Daisy was in her seat, I strapped Jamie into his seat, shut the side door of the van and walked round to the driver's side, only to find that the door was locked. And so were all the others!! Jamie has pressed the lock button down which had locked all the doors. To make matters worse, the house key was also inside the van.

So there I was, stood outside in the rain while my two kids were locked inside, Daisy due a feed any moment, and no way of getting to the spare keys. I called Wayne and luckily he was able to drive back from work and let me in the house. We then spent a good 15 minutes turning the house upside down searching for the spare keys, periodically running out to reassure Jamie, who was getting quite distressed by this point, as Daisy was crying for her feed. We were just about to take a hammer to one of the windows, when something made me think of Wayne's winter coat, and lo and behold, there were the keys! After releasing the kids and having a strong cup of tea to calm my nerves (felt like having a vodka!!), I decided to give the toddler group a miss and just chill out at home for a bit.

(By the way, this is not the first time that disaster has befallen me on my birthday. A few years ago I backed my mum's car into a motorbike belonging to one of the neighbours, knocking it over and causing a couple of hundred pounds' worth of damage. Perhaps next year I should plan to stay indoors!)

Anyway, the day got back on track with a nice lunch with my mum in Tewkesbury Wetherspoons. Although, it was one of those occasions where you realise you can never have a long, leisurely lunch out when you've got children with you. It was a case of, keep Jamie entertained, shovel as much food into him and myself as possible, and leave before either one of them got to meltdown stage. We were fairly successful anyway.

I spent the afternoon at Wayne's mum's and then Wayne got home from work and we got ready to go out for a meal. I knew that I was getting a fingerprint jewellery necklace from him, and was desperate to see it, so was bugging him incessantly - but he said he'd give it to me when we were out. It was a horrible night, pouring with rain, so we headed straight to Wetherspoons for a drink before going to the Indian. I carried on pestering for my pressie, so in the end he handed over the box. When I opened it, I saw that not only did I have a beautiful necklace with two heart pendants - Jamie's handprint on one and Daisy's footprint on the other, but there was also a ring on the chain. Wayne then said lots of lovely things and asked me to marry him! I wasn't expecting it al all, but said yes straight away.

We've been together for 10 years, through a few ups and downs, but have always been strong and I've never doubted his commitment to me. I suppose we never felt as though we needed to get married - we aren't religious, and have committed in other ways - mortgage, children, etc. Also, if I'm honest I'm terrified of the whole wedding thing, I hate being the centre of attention and the idea of putting so much time, effort and CASH into one day really scares me. So when we finally marry, I think it'll be pretty low-key with just very close friends and family there. Hopefully we'll be able to plan it to be just the way we want, and to suit us...after all, it's taken 10 years to get to this point so there's no rush! Wayne has made it clear he does actually want there to be a wedding though - it wasn't just a gesture to get engaged - he wants me to have the same name as the children and to be his wife (just writing that word freaks me out!!)

So back to my birthday - we went to the Indian for a nice meal and several drinks and then had to run back in time for Daisy's 10pm feed! It was a fab day in the end and our family seem to be very happy with our news.

Can it get any better?

Beware: gushing, sickly sweet post coming up!

I'm SO happy right now. I just love my life, spending the days with my two babies, seeing them grow and change in front of my eyes. It's a total privilege to have them and be with them and I feel so incredibly lucky. Things are far from perfect - we don't have loads of money and have even less space, but those things don't matter to me. Part of the reason I feel so content is that it's a real possibility that I won't be going back to work at all. We have to see how the money goes over the next few months, but we think we can manage with me not working, or perhaps doing the odd day of supply work here and there. There won't be much cash left over for clothes or holidays, but I value the time with my babies far more than material things.

I can't help feeling though that things won't stay like this, this good, forever...deep in the back of my mind I have a feeling of dread about what might be around the corner. I don't know why. I read stories in the papers about children who get ill, or parents who die, and feel as though awful things like that are just a heartbeat away. You never really know. Perhaps it's good to feel this way, as it means I appreciate the good things I've got, never knowing when they might be taken away. It's almost as though I feel I don't deserve to be this happy, and one day it'll all be different. I hope it isn't.

But for now, I love my life and feel so lucky to have the things I do. The key, I think, is to live in the moment, enjoying the simple everyday things that it's all too easy to take for granted. I just know that when I'm old, I'll look back and remember those happy little moments...walks in the park to collect leaves, watching Jamie squealing with delight as he feeds the chickens, putting my face close to Daisy's and seeing her burst into the most beautiful grin and breathy chuckle. Things that almost don't merit a mention...those are the really special moments.

The rules!

Well, after a couple of weeks really struggling with Jamie's behaviour and getting to the point where I was scared of taking him out, we seem to have turned a corner. I have introduced "The Rules", and Jamie can recite them perfectly - "no throwing, no hitting, no screaming, no shouting, share the toys with all the boys and girls"....and the more recently added "no hit Daisy" (after an incident where he hit her on the leg in frustration at not being allowed to do something).

We talk about The Rules a lot, especially before we go out in the morning, and when we're at a playgroup, I follow Jamie around and tell him all the time what a good boy he's being, how nicely he's playing, etc, etc...basically going really over the top with praising him. It seems to be working and he's been an absolute joy for the past couple of weeks. I had been worried about how I would occupy him last week, as it was half term and there were no toddler groups to go to. But we had a fab time - we did painting, made playdough, collected leaves and made a collage, went to Over Farm to see the animals and get a pumpkin, and rounded off the week with a fab day out in the Forest of Dean on Saturday, walking the Sculpture Trail.

As well as being very cute and well behaved recently, my big boy has learned to count to twenty! We started off with just 1,2,3, and have built up from there. It's amazing seeing him learn new things. He's also fab with colours and can recognise red, blue, green, yellow, orange, purple, pink, brown, black and white. I don't feel that I've pressured him into learning these things - it's all come from his curiosity. I might start showing him what the numbers look like and perhaps letters too, but I don't want it to be a chore for him.

On the subject of learning, we have been told that Jamie has a place at Christchurch Playgroup, from February next year. He'll be going on Thursday and Friday mornings. I'm excited about it, but also quite apprehensive, as he has never been left without either me, Wayne or one of our mums - ever. I think he'll find it hard at first and I'm anticipating him not wanting to go to begin with. But I do think it'll be good for him and by then he'll be 2 years 9 months old and ready for it. From September next year he'll be able to go 5 mornings a week, so I think it's good to introduce him to it gradually. I'm going to find it hard leaving him, so I suppose it's just as much an adjustment for me as him.

More rolling!

Daisy is 22 weeks old and has now learned to roll from her back to her front...and she does it all the time! But although she CAN roll back the other way, she seems to have forgotten how, so often gets stuck on her front and then moans until I flip her back over...only to repeat the same thing again almost instantly. I know it's the first step to her being on the move and has been a bit of an eye-opener and a window to the future. I think the stage where she's crawling is going to be a lot more challenging than the newborn phase was - keeping an eye on both her and Jamie, potentially moving in different directions.

So we have about 4 weeks until we'll start weaning her onto solids...I can't believe how quickly that is coming around. The 0-6 month stage with Jamie seemed to last a very long time, whereas with Daisy it's gone in the blink of an eye. She doesn't seem big enough somehow to be sitting up in a highchair having proper food...I want her to stay a little baby for longer! I'm wondering whether to try Baby Led Weaning...but I think I'll probably use purees, like I did with Jamie. I might try and use finger foods more than I did with him though - or earlier at least. Exciting times!

Terrible twos!

Now that I've unified my blog, I can write a little update on how my big boy is doing these days.

Jamie is 2 years 4 months old now. He seemed to cope really well with the arrival of his little sis, he's very loving towards her, gives her kisses and cuddles (although sometimes his cuddles are a bit *too* loving and veer towards strangulation...!) So I was patting myself on the back about how well I'd done coping with a toddler and a newborn.

And then, the terrible twos hit! Just in the past couple of weeks, he has started throwing his toys and hitting me if he's told no, or stopped from doing something he wants to. Yesterday we were at a group, I was sitting at the side of the room rocking Daisy to sleep, keeping an eye on him as he played. He spotted a little girl with a pushchair, and he decided he wanted that pushchair and he wanted it NOW! Cue little girl crying as her pushchair was snatched away by my angelic-looking but not acting son. I leapt up and ran over, Daisy in one arm, and just managed to stop Jamie from flinging the pushchair across the room in anger. He then screamed at the top of his lungs and started crying loudly. It seemed as though everyone in the room, parents and children, went quiet and turned to look at me. I wanted the ground to open and swallow me, trying to reprimand him about his behaviour but also trying to distract him and calm him down. Luckily, after a talking-to about sharing and the offer of a biscuit, peace was restored. But god, it was embarrassing.

The thing is, I know that all those parents were probably thinking "thank god it's not my child" in a there-for-the-grace-of-god-go-I type way. But it felt as though they were all judging me and thinking my son is a thug, and wishing we would leave and never come back (we've only been to the group twice, so are newcomers on the scene). Sometimes being a mum of a toddler and a baby is hard. Luckily, soon after the pushchair incident, Daisy went to sleep and I was able to put her down and give Jamie some one-to-one time, doing some painting and playdough.

I know (thanks to my current parenting bible, "Toddler Taming") that most tantrums are down to wanting attention, and that 2 year olds haven't mastered much control over their emotions. I'm struggling to know what to ignore and what to punish - as ignoring and distracting is meant to be the best way to avert tantrums. But then, when he's lobbing toys around, I feel as though I need to punish him by using the naughty step...but then is that just giving him the attention he craves - for negative behaviour?

Anyway, aside from the tantrums, throwing and hitting, he is an adorable, funny and loving little boy. His speech is really coming along now and some of the things he says are so cute. Just as well, as it makes up for the mortifying public displays of defiance and aggression!

Things I love...

- snuggling up under his duvet together to read him a bedtime story

- waking up in the morning to hear him singing...current favourites are "Wheels on the bus" and "Old Macdonald".

- watching him in the garden, feeding corn to the chickens and squealing with delight as they follow him around

- his joy and wonder at the world around him...everything is an adventure, every day there are new things to discover.

My new blog

So, I'd done a blog for Jamie that sadly got abandoned once the pressures of being a working mummy started taking their toll. Then, after Daisy was born I started one for her. But I want to write about both of them and the things we get up to as a family, so I've decided to start a whole new one!

At some point I think I will copy and paste the posts from the other two blogs into this one so that it's all together.

My main reason for writing this is to create a record of all my babies' milestones, all the fun we have together, all the little things that happen every day that I want to remember. I found when I was expecting Daisy, that I had almost forgotten what life with a newborn was like, and if someone asked when Jamie first smiled, or got his first tooth, I'd have to think really hard. So recording all those little moments as they happen is so important to me. I doubt anyone apart from me will ever read this, but maybe when Jamie and Daisy are older, they'll like to read it.

So here we go then, The Adventures of Jamie and Daisy...

How we roll!

Daisy can roll! I've felt as though I've been a bit slack with the amount of tummy time Daisy has had...I worry that she'll get trampled by her big bro - unintentionally of course, but he doesn't always look where he's running. But today, while Jamie was asleep, I put her on her front. And after looking up and giving me a grin, she threw her head to the side and rolled onto her back! I grabbed the camera and flipped her back to her front, and she did it a couple more times so I could video it for her Daddy to see when he got home. I'm so proud! Consulting Jamie's red book, I can see that he also rolled front to back for the first time at 19 weeks...so little sister seems to be meeting her milestones in line with her bro.

I am LOVING maternity leave now. It took me a while to adjust to not being at work, and for the first couple of months of Daisy's life, I was living by the clock, always trying to cram as much as possible into each day...toddler groups, walks, household chores, etc etc. It was as though I wanted to prove I could still be a good mum to Jamie, even though his little sister had come along. I didn't want to feel as though I was letting him down or that he was missing out. I look back now and can see how silly I was being, but at the time I felt so under pressure to be "perfect".

Now I have chilled out a bit and am just enjoying each day with my babies, even if sometimes we just stay in and make cakes, or play in the garden. We still go to groups a lot, and see friends, but I'm now more relaxed about everything.

It helps that Wayne has a new job and so our money worries have been alleviated a little. I should now be able to take a full year off, which I'm SO happy about. As to returning to work afterwards, i have some decisions to make. I would love to be a stay-at-home-mum, but we aren't sure finances will allow. We'll see how things go over the next few months and decide nearer the time.

I'm thinking of turning this blog into a general one about our family life, instead of just being about Daisy. Need to think of a name though!

Speaking of my little flower...she is still such a joy, her smile is never far away and she's growing up so quickly. 19 weeks old now...I can't believe how fast the time has gone. She is doing so well, totally rocking at tummy time, even though she doesn't get as much practice as she should, in case she gets trampled by her big bro.

Tights, and other girly things

I'm a bit of a tomboy. I live in jeans and trainers and I didn't inherit the "shoe" gene that most women have that results in a cupboard full of assorted footwear. All was fine with Jamie, I felt confident dressing him in funky t-shirts, jeans and combats. But now I have a little girl, and up until now she has worn jeans, dungarees, tracksuits...yes some of them have been pink, but so far there hasn't been a skirt in sight.

Well today that has all changed! I had some mothercare vouchers and instead of being sensible and saving them for Christmas, I decided to buy Daisy some new, girly threads. So she now owns a denim skirt, a denim dress, and three pairs of tights! And she looks unbearably cute in her new gear. I especially love the denim skirt and tights look, in fact I'm almost tempted to try it myself ;) And it has to be said, tights stay on a lot better than socks and keep her feet toasty warm.

Doesn't she look adorable?

Things I love #2

My baby girl is getting so big! Her 6 week old cousin came round this morning and Daisy seemed so grown up in comparison - sitting up well (with support of course!), holding her head up and giggling. She's such a happy little soul, she has smiles for everyone. I love it when her gaze locks onto me and then she breaks into the most beautiful grin, as though looking at me has made her day. She is so beautiful...have I said that before?!? Her brown eyes are just incredible and everyone comments on how pretty she is.

More things I love...

* how her little hand grasps my top when she's breastfeeding, as though she's clinging on

* the sound of her husky little laugh, coupled with big, bright eyes and a huge gummy grin

* kissing her soft, chubby cheeks

* that she sucks her thumb just like her big brother did

* her wispy red-brown hair, which sticks up on the top of her head

Things I love

Things I love...

* the way she looks up at me when she's breastfeeding, with a look of pure contentment

* how she smiles in her sleep

* that she saves her biggest smiles for her brother

* her beautiful long eyelashes

* the smell of her hair when she's just got out of the bath

She's adorable, so beautiful and I'm so proud of her. I try to hold onto every moment but it's like trying to catch water...impossible - it just slips through your fingers and is gone. I know she's changing so quickly and I'm forgetting how she was when she was first born. It makes me sad, but at the same time I love seeing her developing and able to do things she couldn't yesterday.

Jab time!

We're all fine, Daisy is 10 weeks old now, how did that happen?!

She had her first jabs today. They got delayed by 2 weeks as the doctor who does the check-ups was on holiday. She was weighed and checked over and is doing well. She's quite small though - down on the 9th centile for weight, only 10lb 2oz. Jamie was the same though, and started piling on the weight once he was weaned onto solids at 6 months. She goes 3 hours between day feeds so I guess she must be getting enough to eat.

She's still waking once at night, at quite random times. Sometimes she sleeps til 5.30am, then the next night it'll be 2.30am. She feeds very quickly though so I actually quite enjoy the night feed now, it's a nice chance to have a quiet cuddle with her. I haven't done any expressing for a few weeks now but really should get back to it and try her with a bottle again.

We tried her in the bouncy chair yesterday and she seemed to like it. She likes being upright where she can see what's going on! She's such a smiley little girl and loves to look at people's faces.

Little smiler!

Daisy is now 7 weeks old and is doing brilliantly. She has started smiling in the past week or so, when we put our faces close to hers. It's so lovely! She watches us as we move around the room and is enjoying spending time on her playgym too.

She was weighed last week when she was 6 weeks old, and was 8lb 14oz. She's now between the 9th and 25th centiles, so has dropped below her birth centile, but the health visitor said that was fine as she's clearly a healthy and alert baby - just quite petite.

We have managed to find lots of toddler groups to go to, so that we have somewhere to go most days. Daisy is so easy to take out - she just sleeps in the sling or her carseat.

She's down to just one night wake-up now. We had a couple of nights where she went from 10.30pm to 5 or even 5.30am...I couldn't believe it when I looked at the time! But it tends to be around 4am most nights. I'm feeling much better with only one waking as she feeds so quickly, so I'm only awake for 20 mins or so.

I feel a lot more relaxed now and am very much enjoying being a mum of two. I'm so proud of how well Jamie has coped with Daisy's arrival, he's so sweet with her, giving her kisses and telling me to give her "rolk" (milk) when she cries.

I can't get over how lucky I am sometimes... :D

4 weeks old already!

Wow, the time is flying by. Daisy is doing really well, and seems to be getting more alert each day. She has the most beautiful eyes, the same shape as Jamie's, but it looks as though they are going to be brown rather than blue like his. I love it when she locks her gaze onto me.

We are managing to get out quite a lot. I went to the children's centre family morning with both of them today. Luckily Daisy likes to be in the sling, which makes chasing around after Jamie much easier. We have also been to a breastfeeding support group several times, and also a mum and baby group. It's nice to meet other mums with similar-aged babies, although all of the ones we've met so far have been much older than Daisy, and it's amazing to see the difference in size that a few weeks makes. She still seems so little!

Last Friday, Daisy and I went out for a meal with some friends as she was so good - just slept in her sling the whole time. And for Father's Day, we all went down to Saunton Sands for the day. Jamie had a great time on the beach, Wayne got to go surfing, and Daisy slept a lot, must have been the sea air!

Breasfeeding is going well, so much easier than it was with Jamie. Daisy feeds for about 10 mins max and generally goes 3 hours between feeds. This is the same at night though, which means 2 wakings. I was hoping she might be down to just one night feed by now, as I think Jamie was at this age, but I guess we'll get there in time.

Generally, she's quite different to Jamie in her likes and dislikes - she doesn't like having a dummy, being swaddled or taking a bottle, whereas Jamie liked all those things. We aren't co-sleeping anymore, as we've got her to settle at night in her moses basket. She does like to be held though, and has an unsettled period each evening where only being held and rocked will do.

Daisy's birth story

The story of the most incredible night of my life...

Tues 25th May was my due date, and I woke up feeling fed up and exhausted, which was strange as I'd been feeling good for the previous 2 weeks since starting maternity leave. I had a midwife appointment at 11am; she said the head was very well down and engaged. She struggled to feel the position of the baby as I was having constant braxton-hicks.

Went home, had lunch and put Jamie to bed for his nap, and then threw up my lunch quite violently! Had a dodgy tummy for the rest of the afternoon and just didn't feel right at all. I think I might have subconsciously known that things were about to start, as when I put Jamie to bed, I remember giving him a huge cuddle and wondering if this was the last time it would be just the three of us. That evening, I couldn't get comfy on the sofa and just felt tired and grumpy...and also suddenly terrified of going into labour...so took myself off to bed at 9pm. I couldn't get to sleep though, and by 10pm I noticed I was having niggly pains in the bottom of my bump that seemed to be around 10 mins apart. Wayne came up to bed and I just lay there, slowly realising that I was having contractions...the pains were starting at the front and moving round to my back. They weren't too bad though and I could easily manage them lying down.

At about 12.30am on Wed 26th, I decided to get up and start timing the contractions. Told Wayne I thought things were starting, and that he should get some sleep and I'd shout him when I needed him. I went on contraction master and the contractions were around 6-7 mins apart and lasting 40 secs or so. I thought it might be labour, but I honestly thought things would probably stop - I didn't quite believe that it was the real thing. Stayed online for a while, surfing the net. In fact, the contractions felt like an annoyance as they stopped me being able to read! After a while, I had to get up and pace around during each one, but they really didn't seem that bad - I thought they were comparable to the early stages of Jamie's labour - which lasted 29 hours - so I was sure I still had ages to go.

At about 2.15am, contractions were now 4-5 mins apart, so I decided to get Wayne up as he was meant to be taking Jamie over to his mum's - about a 20 min drive away. So he got up, packed some clothes for J and got him out of bed, and they set off at 2.25ish. He told me to phone the hospital and we would go in as soon as he got back. Just as he was driving away, I was having a contraction and felt my waters go - it wasn't a huge gush...more of a trickle so I didn't think they had totally gone. I called the delivery unit and they said to come in as soon as Wayne got back. I got myself upstairs and started chucking last minute things into my hospital bag. At that point, the contractions suddenly got a lot more painful and closer together - probably every 2-3 mins. The odd thing though was that they never lasted more than about 30-40 secs, whereas I'm sure with Jamie they were lasting well over a minute...another reason why I thought I still had ages to go.

During one of the contractions while I was upstairs, I suddenly felt things change and felt more pressure in my bum...a bit like the urge to push. I started to feel panicky at this point, as I think it began to hit home that actually I might not have ages to go and things might progress very quickly, and I was currently alone, with no transport. I got myself back downstairs in between contractions, where I'd left my mobile, and called the delivery unit again (looking at my mobile call log, I know that this was at 2.46am). I told them that I was getting the urge to push and that I was on my own, and they said they would call the community midwife and she would be with me as soon as possible. I also called Wayne, at 2.50am, but he didn't answer as he was driving...I'm not sure what I was planning to say - turn back maybe - but actually at that point he'd already dropped J off and had started back. He stopped in a layby and called me back, but I was mid contraction and couldn't answer...in a way I'm very glad I didn't, because it would have been obvious to him that the birth was imminent and there wouldn't have been anything he could have done about it.

At that point, I think I knew I was about to give birth...I could feel the head coming down and round the bend (it really did feel like that!) - all a new experience for me as I'd had an epidural close to the end of labour with Jamie. I was terrified, but also felt almost accepting of it - I knew Wayne wouldn't make it in time, I knew the midwife wouldn't either, and I somehow just knew I had to deal with it. But it also felt very surreal and like it was happening to someone else. I was screaming my head off, but right in the middle of it I remember wondering whether the neighbours could hear me - strange how lucid your thoughts can be even during something like that.

So with the next contraction, I felt the head move down more and I kind of crouched down and looked down and her head popped out, facing away from me so I could only see the back of it. Then her body slid out and I caught her. Saw straight away she was a girl, which just felt right as it's what I'd thought all the way through. I also saw how pink she looked and that she was making crying noises and that the cord wasn't round her neck or anything.

I wrapped her in the towel I'd had wedged between my legs since my waters went and then grabbed my phone and dialled 999. This was at 2.55am. The woman on the phone talked me through what to do - don't pull on the cord, clear her mouth and nose, wrap her up warmly, etc - but I could see she was ok. She told me to look out for the ambulance and about a minute later I saw the blue flashing lights so I edged over to the door still holding Daisy and opened it a crack. Then Wayne walked in with the paramedics - he'd arrived at the same time as them. He was stunned, obviously - I must have looked a real sight, holding a baby between my legs and blood EVERYWHERE!

They sat me on the sofa and Wayne cut the cord and then held Daisy while they got me to lie down. Then the midwife arrived - turned out to be my usual one who I'd seen the day before, it just happened to be her night on call. She helped me to deliver the placenta and then checked me for tears - I just had a 1st degree one which didn't need stitches. The paramedics spent their whole time mopping the floor with various towels!! There wasn't much for them to do as the midwife decided we didn't need to go to hospital, so they left.

Daisy was weighed (7lb 3oz, just an ounce less than her brother) and then I had some skin to skin with her while the midwife wrote up her notes and we all had a cup of tea. She fed straight away for quite a while. Then Wayne ran me a bath and the midwife took me up and helped me get washed and dressed and into bed. Wayne dressed Daisy and brought her up to me. The midwife left at about 4.30am and the three of us lay in bed feeling pretty stunned. Daisy went to sleep and Wayne and I probably had an hour or so, but I was feeling wide awake on the adrenaline of it all.

So that's it! Hasn't really sunk in and I keep thinking about what could have happened if she hadn't been breathing or something. I really wish I'd just planned a homebirth!! She's been an angel so far, has fed well and settled well after feeds in the night, and just slept a lot in the day. I think she's still recovering from it all though. She was weighed on Saturday and has lost a bit of weight but not as much as Jamie had by day 3 so I think the feeding is going better this time...it's less painful anyway. My milk has definitely come in now and she's been feeding more often and for longer.

I’m at the wanting to stop time stage at the moment – I don’t want her to get any bigger! I want to remember every detail as I know how fast she's going to grow and change. I already feel really bonded with her – perhaps because of the dramatic way she was born. For the first 5 minutes of her life, it was just me and her all alone, and I just feel so lucky to have her and that it all turned out so well.

I can't believe how settled Daisy is...she just feeds and sleeps and that's it really. Last night she woke at 2.30am and then 6am, and settled quite quickly each time.

I took both her and Jamie out for the first time this morning. Jamie was in the pushchair and Daisy in the sling, til we got to the park, and then I chased Jamie round with Daisy strapped to my front. I want to be able to take Jamie to toddler groups, so I need to get used to getting out with them both.

I'm at the wanting to stop time stage at the moment...I don't want her to get any bigger! She's so perfect and I just want to take in every tiny detail, and it scares me how fast she's going to grow, because that's how it was with Jamie. Before I knew it, it was his first birthday. I haven't had any trouble bonding with her, perhaps because of the dramatic nature of her birth. For the first 5 minutes of her life, it was just me and her, all alone, which I hope will always give us a strong connection.

Three days old already!

We had a good night again - Daisy woke for feeds at 1am and 6am and Jamie also slept well and let us lie in til 7.30am - result!!

The midwife has been to weigh her and she has lost 7.6% of her birthweight, which is normal and nothing to worry about. She weighs 6lb 10oz at the moment. My milk has come in now, so hopefully she'll start gaining weight again soon.

Daisy had a good night - she fed twice but settled well between feeds. We are co-sleeping with her at the moment as she settles so well in with us. I'm not sure whether it's a good idea long-term...we didn't do it at all with Jamie, but I just want to enjoy her and this seems like the right thing to do for now. Just hope she's not still in our bed in 2 years' time!

Nanna Heather came over today, and Dasiy had her first trip out in the sling, to Tesco. She was good as gold and slept the whole time. We sat out in the garden with her this afternoon, while Jamie played and Wayne did some gardening. The midwife came to give her first dose of Vitamin K, as we have decided to give it in drops rather than an injection.

I'm at the "I don't want her to get any bigger" stage at the moment...I remember feeling the same with Jamie. She's so tiny and perfect and I don't want to forget how she is at the moment. I know she's going to grow so fast and the newborn stage will be over so quickly. We might not have any more children so this could be the last time I have a teeny tiny baby, and I find that really sad.

So I'm making sure I make the most of every day with her and just enjoy the experience, instead of worrying about whether I'm doing everything right.

Wayne took Jamie over to his mum's this morning, as usual for a Thursday, so she could take him to toddler group. We want him to stick to his usual routine so he stays as settled as possible. It's strange not having him around though...I feel a bit guilty for having Daisy to myself and not spending time with Jamie.

Had a nice, relaxing day getting to know my little girl. I could stare at her for hours. She doesn't open her eyes very often but when she does, she gives me such a serious stare. We took her on her first car outing this afternoon, to a scrap metal merchant in Gloucester!! We did very well from our stash of copper and brass in the garden!

Ro and John visited at tea time and Ro had a very long cuddle with Daisy.