A big week ahead

I'm feeling very apprehensive about this week, because this is the week that Jamie starts playgroup. I had been really excited to find out he'd got a place, but as it's got closer and closer, I've been worrying more and more about how he's going to get on.

He seems to find new situations and new people quite intimidating sometimes, so I really don't know how he's going to handle being left there without me. He's never been left with anyone apart from our mums before in his whole 2 years and 9 months, so it's a huge thing for him (and me!) If I had to predict what's going to happen, I'd say he'll probably throw a huge strop and spend the whole morning crying and refusing to take part in anything. But I really hope he surprises me and is ok with it all. I know most children his age find it takes a while to settle at preschool, so it's to be expected really.

I've been trying to prepare him for it by explaining what's going to happen, but I don't think he really gets it. I'm staying with him for the morning on Thursday, which in a way is good as hopefully it'll get him more comfortable with the place and the new people...but on the other hand it'll then be harder to leave him on his own on Friday, and possibly will be confusing for him as I was there the day before.

Anyway, hopefully it'll all go fine, and we have a long weekend away to look forward to afterwards. We are off down to Woolacombe on Friday afternoon until Monday, and I'm really looking forward to having some time together, taking the kids swimming and to the beach (hopefully, if it's not too wet or cold).

Quality time

We don't seem to have had much time together as a family recently. Wayne is obviously working all week, and has been spending every weekend since Christmas doing DIY on the house, trying to get it looking tip-top for when we put it up for sale.

Today though, we decided to ditch the paintbrushes and go out for some fun. Well, "fun" is one word to describe the soft play centre on a rainy Saturday morning..."mad" might be a more accurate one though! Jamie had a great time running round with his Daddy (I think Wayne quite enjoyed the big slide, too), and Daisy and I were able to go into the baby area, where she could have a go in the Jumperoo (loved it!) and ball pool. I had been worried about Jamie having a wee (or worse!) accident while he was distracted and busy playing, but we took him to the toilet regularly, and he was fine.



Afterwards, we headed to Wetherspoons for a pub lunch, and for the first time, both our babies sat in highchairs eating with us. Jamie was pretty well behaved as long as he was kept busy with colouring and eating. Daisy was an angel as always, and attracted many an admiring glance from the old ladies sat nearby.



So all in all, a nice day out and just what we needed to recharge our batteries.

A lovely day with my boy

Sometimes I feel as though all I do is shout at Jamie and tell him off. Given the number of times he hears "Jamie, no!" in a day, I wouldn't be surprised if he thought his middle name was "no". He's just a bundle of energy and wants to be involved in everything, and that can be frustrating when I'm trying to get on with household tasks. I have to remember though, that he is just being a typical 2-and-three-quarter year old who wants my attention and doesn't always get enough of it.



So today, I left Daisy with Wayne's mum and took Jamie out for some quality time with mummy. First, we went to Pittville Park and he had a great time seeing the chickens, playing in the playground and feeding the ducks. Then, after a stop-off at home for lunch, we went swimming at the leisure centre. It's the first time I've taken him there since I was about 38 weeks pregnant with Daisy. He had a fab time and seems to really be getting the hang of swimming - albeit with arm bands and an inflatable ring round his middle! He loved climbing out and then jumping back in, making a big splash.

It was really lovely to spend some time just the two of us, and I definitely plan to make it a regular thing. He has been so fab since Daisy was born and it can't have been easy for him, suddenly having to share our time, not always being the centre of attention, being expected to be the "big boy" instead of the baby he had previously been.

(I was also very happy to have my little girl back again when we picked her up, and got the biggest grin and squeal, so I think she might have missed me!)

Life changing letter

I posted my resignation letter to school yesterday. It feels like a huge moment, even though I'd decided ages ago that I was going to quit. It's funny, because all I've wanted since I had Jamie is to be a SAHM, and now that I'm going to actually be one, I feel a bit...flat.

I suppose it will just take a bit of getting used to. I've always been the main wage earner, and so to not be earning anything at all is bound to feel a bit odd. We've always had a "what's mine is yours" attitude to money in our relationship, but I still think I might feel uncomfortable spending money on myself when I'm not earning any.

But, it is totally the right decision for me, and us as a family. Money is going to be tight and I don't know whether we'll be able to afford any luxuries, new clothes, holidays, etc. I'm happy to give those things up though. These two are only going to be small for such a short time; I'm shocked at how fast the time is already going. So I feel lucky that I'm going to be able to spend as much time with them as possible. It's just going to take a bit of adjusting to my new "job".

Tag team kids

These two are really keeping us on our toes at the moment - one is a pain in the day, and the other in the night...sometimes I wish they would synchronise their antisocial habits so we at least get SOME peace!

Actually, that's being a bit unfair. Jamie has been pretty good for the past couple of days and is still doing well with the potty training. He still isn't telling me when he needs to go, but he hasn't had any accidents today and is taking himself to the potty on his own. He's been bare bummed for most of the day in the house, so I still need to work with him on getting his pants down! I caved and bought some pull-ups yesterday for him to wear when we're out. He was in one for an hour this morning when we went to tesco, and for over 1.5 hours this afternoon at the park, and both times they were dry when we got home, so he's obviously able to hold his bladder while we're out.

I'm not sure whether his behaviour might be getting slightly better now, or perhaps it's that his understanding is better so it's becoming possible to reason with him. I still worry when going out for walks, as he's always been prone to refusing to walk anywhere but where he wants to go. I always have some kind of snackage secreted about my person as an incentive (bribe) to get him to go where I want. Today, it took a couple of biscuits to get him to leave the park and walk home nicely, but he did do it and I didn't have to carry out my threat of putting him back in the pushchair if he didn't walk with me (thank goodness for the double!) He had a fab time feeding the "ducks and 'wans", and playing on the "'lide".







We had a bad night with Daisy last night. She woke at 12.30 and didn't go back to sleep after I fed her - instead she became wide awake and was shouting, shrieking and babbling away. In the end I tried to feed her again in the hope of getting her back to sleep, but she refused, and when I put her back in her basket, she was not impressed and started screaming. I tried patting her, putting my hand on her tummy, ignoring her and letting her cry, and nothing worked - she just got more and more hysterical. In the end I picked her up and managed to get her to have a feed, and she did then go back to sleep, but all this had taken over an hour. She then woke again at 4-something and 6am.

It's all really catching up with me, I am totally shattered today and absolutely desperate for a decent night's sleep. Controlled crying is looking like it might be our only option, but it's going to be SO hard if we do it, especially as she's in our room. We did it with Jamie but he was in his own room and so there was a bit of distance between us and him that made the crying slightly easier to bear. I don't know, I think I need to stop feeding her in the night as she's become reliant on it to go back to sleep, But then, what if some of the wake ups are due to hunger? She's only small so they might be. I'm going to put up the travel cot tomorrow and see if she'll nap in there instead of the moses basket, as she really will grow out of that soon.

Right, off to bed for me, hoping and wishing for a better night tonight *yawn*.

Day 3 and we've hit a plateau

He's still managing to wee and poo on the potty when I ask/remind him, as long as he's bare bummed. But once he's got pants and trousers on, he seems to forget that he needs to take them off before using the potty, or thinks he still has a nappy on. So we've had a couple of accidents today and I'm not sure how we progress from here, to him being able to tell me he needs to go. He's still doing really well and a lot better than I was expecting, so I guess I need to just go with it for the next few days and see what happens. I suppose he's learning how to control his bladder and about the sensation of needing a wee, and it'll take him a while to be able to respond to that quickly enough to get to the potty.

Anyway, it's half term next week so we don't have any groups to go to, which will allow us to have a proper crack at it before he starts preschool.



In other news, the boy has been hard work today! We didn't get off to the greatest of starts, with Daisy waking at just after 5 and refusing to go back to sleep (having also been up at 12.45 and 3.15), leaving me feeling exhausted and short on patience. Jamie has just been into everything though, wanting to "help" wash up, escaping into the garden (quite a comedy sight with him wearing a t shirt, welly boots and nothing else!), demanding Cbeebies and worst of all, throwing a huge strop and refusing to try even one mouthful of his lunch. We sent him to his room to calm down several times, and told him that he wouldn't be having any pudding if he didn't try some lunch. I felt a bit bad tucking into a chocolate gateau with him screaming "Jay-me wanting cake", accompanied by lots of tears and snot, but I'm glad we stuck to our guns because eventually, after an interlude in the garden to clean out the chickens, he did in fact eat ALL of his lunch! It would have been so easy to give in and let him have a yogurt or something, but we didn't, it worked and hopefully he'll have got the message loud and clear that he needs to behave himself at the table and at least try some of his meal.

I really hope Daisy sleeps better tonight because I feel wrecked. I don't know what to do about her sleeping - she can't possibly be hungry, not 3 times a night anyway - so I'm wondering whether we should try a version of controlled crying to knock this night waking on the head. I'm not sure I'm ready to do it yet, but if we have many more nights like last night then something will have to give. In the day she is such a joy, the happiest, sunniest little girl ever, so I can't feel cross with her for her night waking, but it is frustrating not knowing why she wakes or what to do.

Her crawling has come on in leaps and bounds (not quite literally!) and she can now cross a room at speed when she spots something she wants...generally inappropriate objects such as cables, wires, Jamie's potty. She also stands really well holding onto our hands, and I don't think it'll be long til she's trying to pull herself up. It's funny really because she's so small, she doesn't seem big enough to be crawling or walking. I had a look back at pics and videos of Jamie at 9 months, and he was much bigger and chubbier than she is. She's so strong though, very active and always on the move. She's growing too fast...please stay a baby for a while longer!

Potty training day 2

Started off well, wees and a (TMI) huuuge poo on the potty. So I decided to push the boat out and put him in pants and trousers. I tried to show him how to push them down, but I think maybe I was moving too fast for him, and he had a wee accident not long after.

So back to a bare bum and he was great again, lots of wees - after each one he brings me the potty to wash out, looking so pleased with himself and saying "well DONE Jamie". We then decided to be really brave and go out to the park with him nappyless. It had rained all morning, so the park was basically a mud bath, and Jamie had a great time jumping in muddy puddles, running around, seeing the chickens and bunnies, and going on the slide. He was such a mess by the time we got back to the van that I couldn't honestly tell whether he'd wet himself or not, but on closer inspection I found that his pants were dry. Back home and into PJs, he had another wee accident when he was engrossed in doing a puzzle.







So all in all it's been another successful day, loads of wees and 2 poos on the potty, and only 2 accidents. AND we managed to leave the house! I think we still have a way to go - especially with getting him to tell us when he needs to go, and to be able to pull down his pants and trousers. The two accidents happened when he had clothes on his bottom half, so I'm wondering whether he thinks he still has a nappy on when he isn't bare bummed.

Anyway, we will get there I'm sure, and at least now I'll be able to say to his preschool that we have started and are trying!

We seem to be potty training!

Yesterday, it suddenly occured to me that Jamie's preschool might expect him to be potty trained when he starts the week after next. This is a milestone I've totally avoided and buried my head in the sand over, thinking it would be something we'd do "at some point" when he was "ready". I've been aware of friends with similar-aged kids starting to potty train, but I just haven't felt ready to tackle it myself.

So I emailed the preschool, and the lady who runs it replied, saying that most of the children are potty trained, but a few aren't and that they will "work with me to get him out of nappies". This suggested to me that they would like me to at least have started trying to train him. So this morning, I decided to do an experiment and let him go nappy-free, asking/reminding him often that if he needed a wee or a poo, to do it on the potty. Well, he was amazing - he did several big wees and a poo in the potty. I went mad with the praise and rewards of secret chocolate (as he calls it) - though I only had mint choc club biscuit in the house - that's how unprepared I was. We went out to visit Sammi and the twins, so I put him back in a nappy for that, but otherwise he was bare bummed all day and didn't have any accidents at all!

Wayne took him over to tesco when he got home from work, and bought him some pants and jogging bottoms, so he can get them up and down more easily. So we will try him in pants tomorrow and see how that goes.

I can't believe how easily he took to it, or how well he's done. I honestly expected several puddles on the floor and then for me to give up and put him back in a nappy. It seems he was ready after all - it was me who wasn't! I know we have several more hurdles to get over - getting him in pants and trousers and able to take them off, him being able to tell me when he needs to wee or poo, and the biggie - leaving the house. But if today is anything to go by, he will manage just fine. I am very proud of my big boy today!

Thursdays

I love my little man to pieces, he is so cute and funny and a total whirlwind of energy and enthusiasm at the moment. But I have to admit, I do look forward to my Thursdays when he goes to Wayne's mum's for the day and I just have Daisy. And I especially look forward to Daisy's lunchtime nap, which gives me a couple of hours of total peace and quiet. So here I am, catching up on my blog and the only sounds I can hear are the ticking of the clock and the occasional cluck from the chickens outside. It's bliss!

I have always liked, and almost needed, to spend time alone. Maybe because I was an only child growing up, I enjoy having a bit of time to myself, just to gather my thoughts and recharge my batteries. But time alone is a rare thing when you have a toddler and a baby to look after, so I really do cherish my Thursdays. I usually have a million and one household chores to catch up on, but I also try and find an hour in the day just to sit and chill out, and it's lovely.

It's all going to change soon though. Jamie will be starting preschool the week after next, on Thursday and Friday mornings. So Wayne's mum is going to have him on a Tuesday instead, and that will be my day of peace and tranquility. She wants to keep going to the playgroup she takes him to at the moment, so the plan is that she will have Daisy all day on a Thursday. This means that I will be able to pick Jamie up at 12pm, bring him home for lunch, and then we'll have a "mummy and Jamie" afternoon together, perhaps going to soft play or swimming, before going to collect Daisy.

A military operation...

...that is what's required to leave the house these days with two children.

It starts when Daisy is down for her morning nap. First, packing the change bag, checking I have nappies for both, wipes, spare clothes for Daisy, muslins, cups of water for both, many assorted snacks (I have learned that these can be the difference between leaving somewhere fairly peacefully, and full on toddler tantrum meltdown), money, keys, phone... Next, get out coats and shoes all ready to go, then, get the double buggy out of the van and set up, get Daisy up, load them both into pushchair (using biscuit as bribe to get toddler to sit in) and drag it over the threshold.

Today we went to the soft play centre up the road, so went through all of the above before setting off. I was dreading this outing, as the last time we went, Jamie set off the alarm in the lift and I almost died of embarrassment. So I was feeling stressed from the outset about how I was going to negotiate getting them both out of the pushchair and pay, sign in, etc, while also stopping Jamie from getting anywhere near to where he could "press the button". Well as seems to be pretty usual of late, I ended up holding Jamie by the arm while he kicked and screamed, with Daisy under the other arm, trying to get money out of my purse and pay with...well, I had no arms left! So had to momentarily let go of Jamie and hope for the best - luckily he headed straight to the play area instead of to the lift.

Anyway, once we'd got all that out of the way, we had a nice time. I can recommend chasing a toddler round a soft play centre, from the bottom to the top, down the slide and round again, all while carrying an 8 month old, as an alternative to gym membership! Exhausting! We managed a quick trip into the baby area too, and Daisy loved being in the ball pit. I even managed to negotiate leaving the centre fairly successfully, with the help of a pack of Organix crisps.

He'll make someone a lovely husband

My son loves domestic chores. For ages he has been a bit obsessed with the washing machine, loading and unloading, and knows how to choose the correct programme for clothes, bedding and nappies. He also loves to help with cooking, mixing up his scrambled egg for example. His favourite "toys" are a couple of my saucepans and a wooden spoon, which he uses to pretend to cook in a very lifelike way - it's clear he's watched us both intently and is copying what he's seen. His latest thing is washing up. Whenever I go near the sink, he drags a chair over and comes to "help". This is all fine - the problem comes when I'm in the living room or upstairs feeding Daisy, and I hear the familiar scrape of the chair across the floor. I come into the kitchen to find him stood at the sink with the tap on full-blast, half a bottle of washing up liquid emptied into the bowl and bubbles everywhere.

I am trying to look on the positive side of all this - he will be able to look after himself when he's a teenager, do his own washing, make his own snacks and wash up after himself (who am I kidding?!?)

Quick running update

I can now do 5K! The first time I ran it, it took me over 38 minutes, but that has already come down to just over 34 minutes within a couple of weeks. Wayne and I have entered the Tewkesbury Fun Run (5 miles/8 kilometres) on 22nd May, so my aim now is to increase the distance I can run, so that I'm getting up towards 8K.

I have started a new program called "One Hour Runner", which involves doing 3 runs a week - 2 shorter ones and a long one at the weekend. Wayne is going to do the long one with me. I was slightly gutted to find when he came out with me yesterday, that he can do 5K too, having done no running training at all (though he does go to the gym 4 times a week doing resistance and cardio). He even said that he'd have gone a bit faster and could have kept going longer!

Anyway, I'm really pleased with the progress I've made and can't quite believe how much better I've got in such a short space of time. Running rocks!

She's off!

Daisy is now crawling! At 36.5 weeks she has beaten her brother to that milestone by 2.5 weeks. Her crawling style is a little unorthodox - she kind of bunny hops along like a little rabbit. It's very cute. She's getting faster every day, and makes a beeline for all sorts of inappropriate things, wires being her current favourite. She also looks as though she's going to pull herself up to standing fairly soon.

It's all going too fast, she's growing up too quickly and I want it to slow down!

When they surprise you

Today, we went to Wayne's mum's for a family lunch, with David, Sarah and Lizzie. I was apprehensive to say the least. The last time we all got together was at David and Sarah's house just after Christmas, and Jamie wasn't on his best behaviour. I felt that David in particular was a little intolerant of him and I felt a bit judged on my parenting...perhaps I was just being paranoid, I'm not sure. So today, I was expecting him to demand Cbeebies on constantly, not eat his lunch and generally show us up. I also thought Daisy would cry at everyone, as she often does now when she sees unfamiliar people.



However, they were both absolutely brilliant and we had a lovely day. Jamie enjoyed "helping" to cook the lunch, and then ate his food up beautifully. Wayne and I took him to the park while Daisy had her nap, and then he played in Nanna Margaret's garden for the rest of the afternoon, playing catch with Daddy and in the sandpit. Daisy was her usual happy, smiley self, and I felt proud of both of them. The key I think, with Jamie, is to keep him busy at all times, not allowing him any opportunity to get bored.

So yes, sometimes they do surprise you!

Being a mummy...

...is hard a lot of the time. Not just the everyday stuff of nappy changes, making meals, persuading a toddler to eat said meals, negotiating tantrums, tidying up mess and toys 50 times a day - although those things can be frustrating and tiring in their own right.

But it seems these days, us mummies have a lot of pressure put upon us to be better, to raise perfectly well behaved, well rounded, sociable, clever, sensitive children, and if we mess up in any way, society is quick to condemn us. Or maybe we are quick to condemn ourselves, as I think a lot of the pressure comes from within. It certainly does in my case.

I want to be a better mum than I am at the moment. I feel as though I'm being lazy, and we've slipped into some terrible habits of late. I was so strict with giving Jamie healthy, home-cooked food, he never had any chocolate, sweets, crisps or juice. He also watched virtually no kids' TV - just the odd 30 mins of ITNG in the evening. But somehow, this winter, all that seems to have been undone and now he wants junk all the time (although he doesn't actually have much as I don't buy it), refuses to try new food, often won't eat his dinner, Cbeebies is on constantly and if I turn it off or to a different channel, a huge tantrum ensues.

I also worry all the time about Jamie's social development. I've always been very shy and I really wanted him to be confident, sociable and outgoing...and sometimes I feel as though I'm failing him because he seems to be shy, too. He does like playing with other children, but it often takes him a while to warm up. I'm hoping that starting preschool soon will be good for him. I don't think there's anything abnormal about his behaviour, but I just want him to be happy, to have lots of friends and to enjoy being with other people.

I suppose I should get used to all these mummy worries because I can see they're going to be with me for the rest of my life now! In some ways, having a baby is the easy part. It's when that baby turns into a little person, who is a reflection of you, your parenting and all the time you have invested, that you really find out what it means to be a mum.

Sleep, precious sleep

Daisy is still waking 2 or 3 times a night, and needs to be fed or she won't settle back to sleep. She's worse now than when she was a newborn! I can cope with 2 night wakings, as long as she settles straight back to sleep after a feed - as I'm probably only awake for 10-15 mins. But I really don't think she should need to feed in the night now - she eats absolutely loads of solids in the day, so I'm sure she shouldn't be hungry for milk this often. One feed perhaps, but not three!

So I've been trying a bottle of formula for her dreamfeed. She took it the first 2 nights and had about 3.5oz, but the next night she didn't want any at all. So last night I tried putting the milk in her sippy cup (which she loves to drink water from) and she had quite a bit I think - though I didn't turn the light on so can't be completely sure and she might have spat a lot of it down her front. But anyway, it doesn't seem to have made much difference to her sleep - she woke 3 times last night and was wide awake at 6am. Will keep trying for a bit longer though and see what happens.

I wonder when I last had an uninterrupted night's sleep...it must be about a year ago at least, as when I was pregnant I was getting up several times a night to wee!

Ready, get set...

...she's almost crawling!

Daisy can now get herself up onto her hands and knees and rock backwards and forwards. She also sometimes dives forwards and lands on her head, which is quite a funny sight. She hasn't quite worked out yet that she needs to move her arms so that she can properly crawl, but I don't think it'll be long. Jamie started commando crawling at 9 months, so she's got a couple more weeks to master it if she's going to beat him!

I can see that things are going to get REALLY interesting once she's properly on the move. I really will need eyes in the back of my head then...

Siblings

Very cute moment tonight. The pair of them were PJ'd up, watching the Bedtime Hour, and Daisy was sat up playing with some stacking cups. Jamie then decided to build her a tower of cups, for her to knock down...and repeat - to many squeals of laughter from them both.

It's the first time they've properly played together and it was lovely to see. One of the reasons we wanted a fairly small age gap was so that they could be close growing up, and have a companion and someone to play with. I know there will be times when they don't get on, but I hope they build a strong bond and will always look out for each other.