I've got an attack of the mummy guilts tonight. Now that I'm a stay at home mum, this is my job, and I'm definitely a case of "could do better" at the moment. Jamie was at playgroup this morning and I stayed with him to help out (all the parents have to take turns to do this), so when we got home and I'd cooked lunch and cleared up, I just wanted to sit and surf the net, have a cup of tea, continue my search for new jeans (have decided that, despite trying to be careful with money, I really NEED new jeans)...basically, just chill out and have a bit of me time. But of course Jamie wanted my attention, he wanted to do painting, he wanted to go in the garden and see the chickens...and all I wanted was for him to sit and watch Cbeebies quietly for a while. Yes, despite the fact that I've written on here before about my worries over how much TV he watches, I wanted him to watch more!
And now I feel really bad that I didn't get the paints out, didn't let him run riot in the garden, basically, didn't really spend any quality time with him. I know I'm not a bad mother, not really. We go out places every day, we do lots of different activities, we see friends. The very fact that I'm writing this means I'm reflecting on my parenting and that can't make me a bad mum. But I could do more, and I SHOULD do more. This is his life, and I want to fill it with as many happy memories as I can, of time spent having fun with me, of feeling valued and listened to.
So I'm going to try and do better, because as I said at the start, he'll never be this age again. Time with him is so precious, and it's flying by so quickly. Before too long he'll be at school and my time with him will be limited...someone else will see more of him than me during the day. I have a feeling that when I'm old, THIS time right now is what I'll remember as being the best of my life.
So from tomorrow, jeans can wait, facebook can wait, and I'm going to try harder to be a better mummy to him, to really savour every moment with him, to do fun things, things he wants to do. Even if that means picking up coloured pens off the floor zillions of times, wiping paint off the kitchen table and going out for a walk to cross roads.
Here are a few resolutions:
- I'm going to make sure he always has access to pens, paper, scissors and other arts and crafts stuff. I'll put it all out on the table each day and leave it there so it's available to him if he wants to use it - and not worry too much about the mess. He loves drawing, painting, cutting and sticking, and he's also really into letters and numbers, so I need to encourage that.
- If he wants to go out for a walk that basically involves crossing as many roads as possible so he can press the button and see the green man, then that's what we'll do. It doesn't matter if we don't actually go anywhere, we'll still be out in the fresh air (well, as fresh as it gets by main roads!), getting some exercise, and he'll be enjoying himself
- If he's watching TV, I'm going to try and sit and watch it with him, so I can talk to him about what he's watching, instead of using it as an opportunity to have a cup of tea in peace.
- I need to actively encourage him to help me with the cooking and washing up. He loves doing it, and it's a life skill. Yes, it makes it all take twice as long, but who cares really?
- When we read his bedtime story, I'm going to encourage him to read more than one book, and to choose different books. At the moment we always seem to read the same ones, and at that time of day I'm often keen to get him down for the night so I can start my evening. But I know how important reading is, especially for boys, and I want to nurture a love of books in him, as I really think that will stand him in good stead, educationally speaking.
The main thing though, is to keep at the front of my mind that he will NEVER have this day again, and nor will I. So we need to make the most of every second of it.
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