Merry Christmas!

Jamie had a lovely first Christmas Day. We stayed over at Granny Margaret's on Christmas Eve, and then spent the morning with her. We then went to Grandma Heather's for lunch and more presents. Then Wayne, Jamie and I went home to enjoy our first Christmas night as a family of three.

Jamie got lots of presents, including a walker, a shape sorter, lots of books and clothes. His favourite present was some musical keys that play "baa baa black sheep"!

Today we went to Wayne's brother's for the day, and Jamie met lots more members of the family.

Weaning is going well - he's having 3 meals a day, and is eating "proper" stuff like caulifower cheese and pasta with sauce, but I'm not convinced I've got the balance of milk and solids right either. If he has milk before a meal, he doesn't eat much of the solids, and if I do it the other way round, he seems to be really sick afterwards. I've started giving him some finger foods with his meals - a toast soldier at breakfast time and rice cakes at lunch and tea. He doesn't really eat them, just squidges them around with his fingers.

He's still waking around 5-6am most nights and won't settle without being fed. I think he probably is hungry though...although I'm not sure!! If I was sure it wasn't hunger I'd give controlled crying a go, but when I feed him, he seems to take loads. Hmm... And he's still having a dreamfeed but some nights will only have 4oz, other nights he'll have 8.

He's rolling loads now, and spending a lot of time playing happily on his front. He tries to crawl as well, lifting his bum into the air and kind of pushing himself forwards with his feet. I think once his arms get a bit stronger he'll be off! He can sit unsupported but still topples over a lot so I have to surround him with cushions!

Happy half-birthday Jamie!

Well my little man is 6 months old today! How fast has half a year gone? After 2 weeks of waking in the night again, for the past 2 nights he has slept through!! I think I went a bit mad with the weaning and was giving him too much solid food and not enough milk. I've cut back on the amount of solids he's having and he seems to be having longer BFs so I think that's made a difference.

He's still having 2 meals a day, with 2 "courses" at each meal - veg then fruit. He loves fruit and has eaten most of the veg I've given him, apart frm swede. I'm trying broccoli today, which I'm not keen on, so we'll see how he likes it!

Weaning time!

We gave Jamie some baby rice yesterday...he's been waking in the night for the past week and waking earlier and earlier, so we decided to go for it. Most of the rice came straight back out but I think he started to get the idea about swallowing. He still woke at 4am this morning so it certainly wasn't a miracle cure for the night waking (not that I expected it to be!)

Today I've done loads of cooking and pureeing, and I'm quite proud of my efforts (I'm a rubbish cook!) I gave Jamie some butternut squash mixed with baby rice at lunchtime and he loved it!! Kept opening his mouth for me to put more in. Tomorrow I'm going to try sweet potato and apple. Not sure whether it's too soon to move to 2 meals a day, but the Gina Ford book says it's ok to do that fairly quickly when they're close to 6 months. So I'm planning to give him lunch and tea.

It's confusing me a bit trying to work out how to fit solids in around his breastfeeds...I still don't know whether it's best to give milk first, then solids...that's what I've done so far. Gina seems to be saying that they should start reducing their milk intake quite rapidly once they pass 6 months, and upping the solids. I think it's going to take me a while to get used to giving solids and I'm going to miss the convenience of BFing while out and about...but I guess we'll get used to it!

Jamie is doing really well apart from the night waking. He's rolling loads and trying to sit up, and can sit for a couple of mins if I put him into the sitting position. His routine is a bit all over the place at the moment as we had a really busy week last week (my and my mum's birthdays) and his naps went a bit wrong. He naps really well at home and in the pushchair but it's hard to get him to sleep when we're in someone else's house.

We had a fab time in Cornwall last week. The weather was good and we were out and about a lot. Jamie was great and didn't mind being carried about in his sling for hours on end, in the cold wind.

BUT, since we've been back, he's been quite unsettled and has been feeding more frequently than usual. He's still just about sleeping through, but has started waking at 9.30 every night, demanding his bottle of EBM. He used to sleep way past 10pm and we'd have to wake him up. He's also started waking before 7am some mornings. I know I'm lucky because so far he hasn't woken in the night, but I have a feeling we might be heading that way. Maybe it's just a growth spurt though...

I'm keen to hold off on weaning for a while longer, but he's started taking a real interest in our food and if I have a drink while holding him, he'll reach out and try and grab the cup to put it in his mouth. Mind you, he puts everything in his mouth at the moment!

Holidays!

We're going on holiiiidaaaayyy!!! on Saturday!! That was a bit over the top, but I thought we weren't going to be able to go, so I'm really happy that we are We were supposed to be going in our canpervan, but the gearbox has broken and the garage are having trouble finding a new one for it, so we can't use it for now. Anyway, we've booked a caravan in Padstow instead and we're going on Sat for a week! Hope the weather stays nice. I'm looking forward to going for a surf again for the first time in over a year. The campsite has an indoor pool so if it p*sses down, at least we can go in there. I'm a bit daunted about how much stuff we're going to have to pack - I started writing a list last night and it's massive!!

If only...

...we could afford for me to be a stay-at-home mum. I LOVE being at home with Jamie. Yes, it can be tiring in that it's fairly full-on from 7am til he goes to bed, but I don't find it stressful in the same way as working. I manage to sit down and have a cuppa when he's having a nap, and at the moment he'll sit in his bouncy chair and watch while I do housework. We go out to baby groups, swimming and walks in the park...it's just great and I can honestly say I've never been happier than I am now.

The only cloud on the horizon is going back to work!! We think we can just about manage financially if I do 2.5 days a week, although things will be very tight. Our mums have offered to do childcare for those 2.5 days so we're very lucky there. I just need the school to agree to it. If they do, I think 2.5 days at work will be a good balance for me and I'll still get lots of time at home with Jamie.

My poor baby!

I took Jamie swimming today for about the 5th time...we had a nice time in the pool -he really seems to enjoy it and I love taking him. I take him to the poolside in his car seat and then put him in there after we've got out, til I've got myself dry and dressed. Anyway, today I was just taking him out of the seat in the changing cubicle, ready to dry him, and somehow he fell on the floor...he got tangled in the towels and wriggled and somehow I lost my grip on him.

Luckily I'd kneeled down to take him out, so he didn't fall far, but it was so awful! He landed on his cheek, nose and the top of hs head, and he SCREAMED like he has when he's had his jabs. I was convinced he'd done himself some real damage, cracked his skull or something. I cuddled him loads til he calmed down and then phoned Wayne who was luckily on his way home. I thought we'd have to take him to hospital but Wayne managed to convince me that he was ok - he was acting normally, being his usual smiley self, very alert, etc.

I've watched him like a hawk all afternoon and evening and he's been completely fine, apart from the fact that he has an imprint of the changing room floor tiles on his cheek (he looks like he's been run over by a small motorbike!). But I feel awful about it. The thing is, I'm always so careful with him, and am paranoid about dropping him or hurting him in any way.

Feeling very shaky about it all and have had a couple of glasses of wine tonight to calm me down, and they've gone to my head totally!

I can't believe how much I love him or how happy he's made me. It's like life before him was black and white and now everything is colour. We've been playing peekaboo this morning and he's been squealing and laughing at me, it's sooo adorable. And I love the sound of the little cooing noises he makes, in his husky baby voice. I never imagined just how strong the bond I have with him would be or how much I'd love him.

It's amazing how fast he's growing and developing. I was looking back on some photos of J just after he was born, he looks sooo small and helpless. Now he's a proper little person. And to think that a year ago he was a tiny bunch of cells...It's just amazing. I feel so lucky to have him.

Right, I'll pull myself back together now!

Jamie's just started doing proper squeal-laughs, which are sooo cute. And he says "ahhh-goo" sometimes too.

He's also got a lot better at tummy time - he doesn't just bang his head into the floor and cry anymore, he makes an effort to lift his head and try and look around..for about 30 secs...but it's better than nothing!

Water baby

Jamie is just over 12 weeks old and we went swimming for the first time yesterday. He was a bit stunned by it all at first, as it was quite noisy in the pool, but seemed to enjoy it once he'd got used to it. We got him a little wetsuit to keep him warm. It was a bit of a faff for a fairly short time in the water, but we'll definitely be going regularly now, and because I've done it once I feel a lot more confident about what to do/what stuff to take etc.

I was in starbucks yesterday with a friend who's baby is a similar age to Jamie. Both babies were looking angelic, fast asleep in their prams. A woman waiting in the queue was having a look at them and said, "this is the easy part, I've got two aged 7and 8 and it just gets harder from now on".

Me and my friend were a bit taken aback and unsure what to say. I'm loving being a mum at the moment, Jamie is fantastic and I love watching him grow and develop. But I don't really like the thought that it's all downhill from here!

My friend and I decided that she must have meant that motherhood gets more challenging when babies start moving/talking/throwing tantrums/becoming more willful... And I guess once they become teenagers there will be a whole new set of worries!

It's sooo hot today! Jamie is feeding more frequently during the day than usual but then I can't blame him - I'm drinking glass after glass of water myself! We had to go to the hospital this morning to have my abscess checked, and it was sooo hot in there. AND we had to wait ages. Then we went to tesco which was mental busy. It's only a 5 min drive from home but I felt bad subjecting J to the hot car even for that long. I need a car with air con!!

I have managed to get tons of clothes washed and dried today so the heat does have some advantages!

My abscess is healing well and I'm still breastfeeding. I really thought I was going to stop - I wasn't sure how much more I could take - but I've kept going and fingers crossed, it's all going to be ok from now on. Jamie is taking a lot less time to feed - about 20-30 mins, and he usually goes 3 hours in between. He's still doing great at night - he usually goes from 11pm til 6/7am. I hope it lasts!

I'm going through a bit of a rough time at the moment and my little man is being so amazing, and I wanted to share that for the past couple of nights he has...

slept through the night!!

...from about 11pm til 6.30-7am!

I know it probably won't last but I'm enjoying it while it does. I haven't really had any extra sleep because I've been waking at 5 through habit and then lying awake watching him to see when he'll wake up.

He's been such an angel in the day as well - I've had to go back to hospital most days because of the breast abscess, including another trip to A&E yesterday, and he's had to put up with sitting in waiting rooms for ages, going backwards and forwards in a hot car, etc etc, and he's just been lovely and smiley the whole time.

OK, gush over - I've got to get us both ready to be at the hospital by 10!

Feeling poorly...

I developed mastitis over the weekend - my right breast got really lumpy and hot and red on the outside. It didn't really hurt, so I kept feeding from it and it seemed to not be getting any worse. I felt OK in myself - didn't have a temperature or anything, so I thought I was going to be ok. As it was the weekend I decided to wait til today to go to the GP. STUPID me! I woke up at 2am with a painful swollen lump on my boob, which was also bright red and the skin was all stretched and shiny. Luckily it didn't actually hurt too much unless prodded. As J wasn't due a feed and was sleeping soundly, I expressed off as much as I could and then lay awake worrying until he woke up at 5. Fed him, but it felt as though the milk wasn't flowing too well from the infected breast.

This morning I managed to get an emergency appointment with my GP, who took one look, said I had developed a breast abscess, and referred me straight to hospital. Luckily Wayne wasn't working so he was able to take me and J to A&E. We were seen by a surgeon who was able to use a needle to drain all the cr*p out of the abscess (sorry TMI!), and I have to take antibiotics for a week and go to the breast clinic at the hospital on Weds to be checked. I have to say, the standard and speed of care really impressed me - I was expecting to be waiting for hours but I was seen really quickly and the procedure was done almost straight away.

Feeling really down now - I've struggled a lot with BFing but recently everything had been so much better - feeds now only take 30 mins or so and he goes 3 hours in between them. Now this had happened :( I am going to keep going with BFing, but I feel quite despondent about it all - I've tried so hard with it and I feel like I'm due a break!!

Have to say though, Jamie has been an angel for the past few days and was lovely in the hospital - cooing and smiling lots. Not the way I wanted to spend his 2 month "birthday" though.

Took Jamie into work today for the end of term BBQ. So many people are leaving - I'm not going to know anyone when I go back! Jamie was an angel, he slept through all the leaving speeches and then I gave him a bottle of expressed milk (didn't fancy BFing in front of my colleagues!) and he was passed around for some cuddles. Lots of people said he looks like me, which I'm pleased about because so far people have only said that he looks like Wayne!!

Well we're back from taking Jamie for his jabs. He was such a brave little soldier!! First he was weighed and measured - he's now 10lb 3oz so is gaining weight steadily (he was 7lb 4oz at birth), then he had to wait to see the doctor, who checked him over, and all was fine. Then we went in for the jabs. He screamed just after the nurse had done the first one, a different sort of cry to what I've heard before. He must have wondered what the hell was happening!! Once we'd got him dressed and back in the pram he fell straight to sleep and is still asleep now. We're supposed to keep him cool and check to make sure he doesn't get a temperature. Poor little thing, and he has to go through it all again in 4 weeks!

A bit later... Well I think the jabs have affected him - he slept from 12 til 2pm, and then I woke him up for a feed, then he went straight back to sleep from 3-5pm and again I had to wake him to feed him and do his bath. I NEVER normally have to wake him for a feed... He's not asleep yet now but seems quieter than usual. He doesn't seem hot (he's generally quite a warm-feeling baby anyway) so hopefully he's ok, poor little monkey!

I'm starting to feel that the time is whizzing by now. Each Wednesday when Jamie gets a week older comes round so fast. I'm trying to make the most of every moment, even if I'm knackered, because I know for sure that when I'm back at work I'll be desperate to have this time back again. Jamie is still in newborn clothes, but I guess he'll be moving onto 0-3 month ones soon, which is a bit scary! He got given a lot of 3-6 month outfits and they still look absolutely MASSIVE, I can't imagine him being that big!!

Well the BFing without shields is still going well, better than I could have expected. I really thought I'd end up giving up for good. Feeds are a lot shorter and Jamie is sometimes managing to go 3 hours between feeds in the day (although sometimes it's only 2). The fact that his feeds are so much shorter means I have a lot more time to get stuff done, so I'm finally beginning to tackle 7 weeks worth of dust!! He seems to be getting into a bit more of a pattern with sleeping in the day too. Today he slept from 9-10am and just dropped off at 12.30pm. I'm hoping I'll get time for some lunch before he wakes up again!

I've just been over to tesco with him in the sling, he must've looked cute as he got lots of admiring glances! I'll probably take him to the park this afternoon - it's nice to get out after yesterday's rain deluge!

We've taken Jamie on his first holiday, down to sunny (not!) Devon for a few days. It was an interesting experience taking a 6 week old camping, but he was actually really good and slept well - I think the sea air was good for him! Wayne got to do some surfing and also took Jamie fishing - well for about 20 mins until he'd had enough and started screaming!



I'm still struggling a bit with breastfeeding and am considering introducing some formula. I'm still using nipple shields because my nips have STILL not fully healed. But I think the shields make it harder for Jamie to get the milk, which makes feeds take ages and he never seems satisfied - he'll want to feed again 20 minutes after finishing. He seems to have turned into a snacker! I know this is normal in the early days but I did think things would be getting better by now and I'd have more of a break in between feeds. I know he's getting enough to eat because of his weight gain and the tons of pooey nappies he produces... I just kind of feel that I'm not enjoying him as much as I should be because I feel like all I do is feed. Going out anywhere stresses me out because I never know when the next feed will be or how long it will take. And I get nothing done around the house because I'm sat on my bum all day! Everyone says "it will get easier" - and it has - but I thought I'd have it mastered by now and I really haven't.

I think I'm going to bite the bullet and ditch the nipple shields for a couple of days, and see if that makes the feeds a bit shorter and whether Jamie seems happier afterwards and goes a bit longer in between. I'm worried my nipples will start bleeding again but I feel like I have to give proper breastfeeding one more go before resorting to formula. If I did introduce formula it would probably be just in the day - I'd still try and BF him first thing in the morning, in the evening and in the middle of the night. I really wanted to BF him exclusively and I know I'll feel guilty if I can't. Oh well, we'll see how it goes.

Ouch!

For the past few days I've been having increasingly bad muscular pain in my back, shoulders, down my arms and even my knees! I'm walking around like an old woman and am really struggling to lift Jamie. This morning I really struggled to get out of bed and walk. I have a feeling it might be some kind of repetitive strain thing from holding him for ages while he breastfeeds. Not sure why it would affect my knees though unless I'm tensing them and holding them in the same position for ages...

Breastfeeding

I've found it really hard but I think things are starting to improve now. Jamie's feeds seem to be spacing out slightly more, and I'm getting into more of a routine with his daytime naps which also helps.

I'm starving all the time at the moment, and craving total junk. I've devoured so much chocolate this week. I've been trying to put a bowl of fruit near me to pick at when i'm feeding. I also get SO thirsty when I'm feeding - I have to make sure i've got a glass of water next to me at all times!

We tried Jamie in his bouncy chair again today and he got on a lot better than last time. He didn't slump down as much and took an interest in the toy bar. He lasted about 15 mins before he'd had enough and started screaming!

Feeling a bit zzzzzzz at the moment...we had about a week or so of Jamie sleeping from 10.30pm-5am, but he's started waking at around 3am again now! I don't mind too much if it's just that once, but it's hard when he then wakes up around 6am. If he'd just last until 7, that'd be fine!

Well today, Wayne and I went for a walk into town and then went to wetherspoons for a drink, and I breastfed in there! I was chuffed with myself for being brave enough to do it. We managed to find a quiet corner and it was fine, until I realised that there was a window behind me looking out onto the smoking area! I don't think anyone would have noticed what I was doing though!

Father's Day

Well today was Wayne's first Father's Day! Jamie sent him a card with a pic of him on the front. We went out for Sunday lunch, and after he'd been fed he just would not drop off. His eyes were almost closed and he was almost asleep and then, bam! - eyes open again. I think he gets overtired and then finds it hard to drop off. And maybe it was a bit too noisy and busy in the pub. In the end I took him for a walk in the beer garden and I think the bright light made him close his eyes properly, and within seconds he was asleep on me!

Swaddling works well for us at night, and I have tried it in the day too, but ideally I'd like Jamie to be able to nap in the day without being swaddled. I've read the Gina Ford book and did try and get him to sleep at the times she says, but he won't play ball at the moment! He feeds more often in the day than he should according to her routine, so I think I'll wait til he's a bit older and going longer between feeds before trying it again. It was stressing me out too much trying to get him to feed and sleep according to the clock!

Jamie is doing well, he put on 5oz last week which has allayed my fears that he wasn't getting enough milk from me. Just hope he's gained more when he's weighed on Monday. Breastfeeding is slowly getting a bit easier (although I have to say it's harder than I expected). My nipples are still a bit sore - they don't seem to get much chance to heal between feeds. I'm still using nipple shields which help a bit and it only really hurts for the first 15 secs or so when he latches on.

We're really lucky as Jamie usually goes from about 10.30pm, when he has a bottle of expressed milk, til around 4-5am. He often doesn't settle too well after that though and tends to be awake til about 7am. His feeding is very erratic in the day still - he seems to cluster feed, so he'll feed on and off for a couple of hours with not much break. There doesn't seem to be a pattern to when he does this either, which makes trips out more difficult. He's not too keen on napping either and I've been swaddling him in the day as well as at night to try and get him to sleep for longer. He seems to fight sleep and a lot of the time I resort to rocking him to sleep.

I'm trying to get out for a walk somewhere with him in the afternoon, to avoid the groundhog day feeling. Today though, we are off to my mum's for lunch. My gran is staying with her at the moment so Jamie will get to spend some time with his great-grandma!

Jamie is feeding non-stop all afternoon and evening. I got him to sleep for an hour and a half between 4.30 and 6 but otherwise he's been clamped to my boob on and off since 12 with not much break in between. My bum is numb from all the time sat on the sofa and I feel bad about having done no housework or evening meal preparation!! Luckily Wayne is being really supportive about it.

I've tried holding him and rocking him to sleep but once I put him down he wakes back up. We have had some success with the dummy, but it doesn't always work. I find I have to try and get him to take it before he gets really grumpy and is crying, otherwise he spits it back out. Sometimes taking him out in the pram or car works, but other times it doesn't! Yesterday we walked to town to take him to be registered. He cried the whole way there and wouldn't take the dummy. The day before, at a very similar time, he'd slept for 2 hours while we were out with him in the pram! Once we got to the register office, Wayne picked him up, rocked him and he fell asleep for the next 3 hours!!

Anyway, he now exists as a proper, real person - James Thomas Meade :)

I'm letting him feed whenever he wants in the day but it's very restrictive in terms of planning anything or going out. But I guess that's life with a newborn!

The really good thing is that he generally sleeps from 7pm-ish til around 10, and then we give him a bottle of expressed milk. For the last few nights he's then gone from 10.30ish til about 2.30-3am, and then til 6.30ish. I know I'm lucky to get longer stretches in the night and I hope it lasts!!

We had a really scary day yesterday. I had noticed the night before that Jamie had a slightly blue colour around his lips after he'd fed - not his actual lips but the skin around them. The MW came to visit yesterday morning and she noticed it too (again, after a feed). She said it could be caused by wind, but it could also indicate a problem with his heart. She really scared the life out of me - said if it was her baby, she'd phone the GP and get him to do a home visit. I asked if he would be automatically registered with my doctor and she said yes he would.

So I phoned the doctors and got some stroppy b1tch on reception who told me that he was NOT registered with my GP, and "don't you know you have to get the birth registered before you can register with a doctor?". Well no, I didn't, and my MW told me the opposite!!! I was on the verge of tears at this point, I told her that he is only 8 days old, and could I please have a home visit. She then said could I ring back in the morning! I said no, I want a visit today. Anyway, she said she'd get the duty doctor to call me.

So my GP phoned and asked some questions about his general well-being, and then said could I bring him to the surgery at 3pm. I called my Wayne who was working about 45 mins away, and he left immediately and came home, and we went to the docs. He listened to Jamie's heart and said he's fine, has no heart murmur or anything, his breathing is fine and his chest is clear. He said he had a really good colour and looked to be perfectly healthy. He couldn't give any explanation about the blue colour, but said that as his lips and tongue are pink, and he has no trouble breathing, it isn't anything to worry about.

Phew! We were so relieved. We took him home and sat and cried! Otherwise we're doing ok, although I'm struggling a bit with feeding and have been using nipple shields to protect my poor sore nips! He's still waking a lot in the night and sometimes takes ages to get back to sleep. I've taken him out for a couple of walks in the pram on my own, and today I might brave a trip to tesco with him...just hope it isn't too busy!

Well we've had another busy day and I think all the activity is taking its toll on Jamie a bit - he's been quite grizzly today. He woke at 12, 2, 4 and 6 for feeds last night, so I'm worn out again today...although he did settle fairly well in between feeds with the dummy. I'm just hoping the frequent feeding is him trying to increase my milk supply and then maybe the feeds will space out a bit more. My aunt and uncle visited this morning, and then we had to wait in for the midwife, and she didn't arrive til 2.30pm. She did Jamie's heel prick test, which he didn't like one bit - she struggled to get enough blood out of him and had to prick him several times, poor little thing! She weighed him and he's started putting on weight again now after losing a bit at first. She isn't visiting again til Thurs so we must be doing ok.

Then we went to Wayne's mum's for tea and he met his great auntie. Since we've been home Jamie has been really unsettled and just wants to feed. Fingers crossed he's asleep now, but I'm gearing myself up for another broken nights' sleep!

Wayne is working tomorrow so I'll be all alone for the first time! I'm planning a really quiet day with hopefully no visitors, and maybe just a little stroll out in the pram in the afternoon.

James is just fabulous. I can't stop looking at him, can't believe he's mine and am so in love already.

Last night I got really emotional and was bawling my eyes out to Wayne, saying that part of me wishes he would stay a newborn forever, because he's so perfect. I'm really conscious of never having this time with him back again because I'm sure he's going to change so quickly.

We managed to get breastfeeding going soon after he was born and I'm persevering with it. The main problem we've had is that James seems to be a really "sucky" baby - he's taken to wanting to feed ALL the time, and we think he's doing it for comfort a lot of the time. When he's finished he'll settle for a few minutes and then start sucking his hands, before starting to cry, and the only thing that seems to stop him is going back on the boob, even though I don't think he can be hungry. Last night he was feeding from midnight til about 3am, so I'm shattered today.

So...this afternoon we have tried him with a dummy. I got a couple just in case, although like a lot of people I wasn't sure if I wanted to use them. But it seems to have worked - he sucked it til he fell asleep and then it fell out of his mouth, and he's still sleeping now. I'm hoping this will help him settle at night in between feeds.

We've had lots of visitors - Wayne's mum, his brother and sister in law, my gran and aunt and uncle have all been over. Here's a pic of Jamie with his Great-Granny:



We've had a few outings, which have been really nerve-wracking! We walked into town with him in the pram yesterday, and today we ventured into Tesco. Big mistake - bank holiday weekend = mega busy supermarket!! The queues at the till were unbelieveable! James started crying so in the end I had to leave Wayne queueing and took him out to the car. It was all a bit fraught but at least I found out which trolley to use with the car seat! I'm trying to get all these new experiences in with Wayne while I can, because he's back at work on Tuesday and I'll be flying solo!

Jamie was an angel throughout that first night - he just slept until about 7am, but I got very little sleep on the ward because of all the other babies crying! Wayne arrived at 9am and we were given a bath demo.


We had to wait around for a paediatrician to check Jamie over, and then we were discharged at 2pm. It was very exciting to be driving home with Jamie in his carseat in the back!

My mum came over to meet her grandson and was over the moon with him. Then we settled in for our first night as a family of three.

Happy birthday Jamie! xxx

I can't believe my little boy is one today! The past year has flown by...it really does feel like no time at all since we brought him home from hospital. I've been feeling very emotional and nostalgic about what was happening this time last year. At 10.30pm, the time Jamie was born, Wayne and I sneaked into his room and had a look at him sleeping in his cot. I've been at work today so haven't been able to spend much time with him, but it's half term next week so I will make up for it then.

Happy Birthday Jamie xxx

From this...



...to this!

Jamie's birthday

The monitoring showed that baby’s heart rate was fine and my contractions were still coming roughly every 5 minutes. I continued with my TENS machine all through the night. By 6am I was exhausted, had had no sleep, and my contractions were still only every 5 minutes. I asked the MW whether she was going to do an internal, and she said no, because she didn’t think I was very far along. I think that was one of the lowest points for me – I really thought things would progress quickly as the contractions seemed to me to be quite close together. But she said they needed to be a lot stronger and closer together. She suggested I have a bath, which I did, and after I got out I panicked a bit as I had no pain relief anymore, and the contractions were becoming quite hard to deal with.

The MWs changed shifts at 8am and the new one agreed to examine me at about 9. When she did I had got to 5cm. Again, I thought things would progress quickly from that point. Throughout the rest of the morning and early afternoon I coped with the contractions ok using the gas and air, tried different positions when I could, but had to be monitored continually as they still wanted to keep an eye on the baby’s heart rate.

At about 4pm, a doctor came in to discuss my trace, examined me to find I was still only 6cm dilated, and said I needed to have my contractions speeded up as I wasn’t progressing fast enough. I felt a bit scared when she said they were going to put me on a syntocinon drip, and thought about asking for an epidural because by this point I was really tired and was scared that the drip would make the contractions unbearable. The MW kept saying that I would be fine and would manage, so in the end I stuck with the gas and air.

Another MW came to put the cannula in but she couldn’t get it into one hand and there was blood spurting everywhere, and she was asking me to stay still while I tried to get through the contractions. She then managed to put it into my other hand. Almost straight away the contractions got MUCH worse and closer together, and I started to really struggle to cope with them...it was agony! This went on for some time, I sort of lost track at that point.

At about 7pm I was examined again and was now 8-9 cm dilated but there was a lip on my cervix which was swelling up...the pain was now becoming unbearable. At this point I started begging for an epidural, pleading with them to do something and saying I couldn’t do it anymore. The MW kept saying “everyone says that when they’re about to have their baby!”, but I just knew I couldn’t cope any longer and in between contractions I told Wayne that I needed to have an epidural. Another MW came in (a more senior one I think), and I heard her telling the other MW that I should have been given an epidural when they started me on the syntocinon drip. I was still begging and pleading, and they said they were going to call the anaesthetist to come and do the epidural. I remember asking over and over where she was and how long it would be. When she arrived she was calmly trying to explain all the risks and stuff and I was saying I didn’t care about that, could she just do it.

So they got me in position for the epidural, curled up and leaning over a pillow. I thought I would only have to survive one contraction in that position, but the MW and anaesthetist then couldn’t find the right needle kit and had to go off down the corridor looking for one. Wayne was not impressed and I was begging them to hurry up. Anyway, the epidural was eventually done and it was fantastic! I wasn’t totally pain free because I was pretty close to delivering, so I could feel each contraction but it was totally bearable again.

The MWs changed shifts again and I had the one who had admitted me the previous night. She got us all a cup of tea and some biscuits, and then we sat and watched “The Apprentice” while we waited for me to be fully dilated. It sounds a bit weird but that’s a memory I’ll always treasure. I was virtually pain-free and knew I was getting close to delivering, and I felt really calm and in control again. At 10pm the MW said I was ready to push. I pushed with everything I had and she said almost straight away that she could see the baby’s head starting to crown. Wayne had positioned himself down at the business end and was having a good look! With each contraction the baby was moving further down and the MW got me to reach down and feel his head. She said that with the next contraction I would have my baby, so I pushed as hard as I could and at 10.31pm, James Thomas shot out into the world, covered in bright yellowy green poo and screaming his head off!

He was taken to be checked and then given straight to me, and it was just the most amazing feeling. I’d been worried that he’d need resus because of the amount of time since my waters had broken, but he scored 9 on the Apgar test at 1 minute. We had a couple of hours of skin to skin time and the MW helped me to start breastfeeding, and then Wayne went home and James and I were taken down to the postnatal ward.

How it all began

On Tues 20th May I had an appointment with the midwife at midday, and she did a stretch and sweep. She said my cervix was nice and soft and I was 1cm dilated. Went home and almost straight away began getting the regular back pains again, only this time they were more frequent, coming every 5 minutes, and were gradually getting stronger. I sat on my birth ball and breathed through them for a while, and then had a bath at about 7pm. The contractions continued through the bath so I knew by then that it was for real. Put on my TENS machine at 8pm and phoned the delivery ward to let them know I was in labour. They said a midwife would phone me in a while. I started timing the contractions on contraction master – they were coming every 5 minutes and lasting around 45 seconds – so I thought I must be quite far along already…little did I know!

The midwife called at 9pm and said she would come to our house at about 10-10.30pm. Just before she arrived, my waters broke and I noticed they were tinged green. Uh-oh. I told the MW when she arrived and she said that I would need to go to hospital to be monitored as the green waters meant baby had passed meconium and could be distressed. She then left and we ran around packing all the stuff I’d need but hadn’t got round to packing into my hospital bag, and then drove the 10 minutes to the hospital. We got there just before midnight and I was put straight into a delivery room to be monitored.

41 weeks pregnant and still waiting...

I had planned a home water birth, so had bought a “birth pool in a box”, and in the run up to my due date we got the kitchen all set up to be my birthing room. The midwife had delivered the home birth pack, so we were all ready to go.

My due date, Mon 12th May, had been and gone with no sign of anything happening. We tried all the usual things, clary sage baths, a hot curry, long walks, etc etc, but another week passed with nothing happening, and I was starting to get really fed up with waiting.

On Mon 19th May I started getting some regular pains in my back, which were painful enough for me to need to breathe through them, sitting on my birth ball. I went to bed that night thinking things were going to happen in the night…but nothing did! In fact, I had the best nights’ sleep I’d had in ages, only woke up once – just as well as I wasn’t going to get much sleep for the next couple of days!

Getting close now!

Here I am about a month before Jamie was born...37 weeks pregnant and feeling huge. I was measuring on the small side though and had to have a growth scan at 34 weeks, which showed that bubs was bang on average size!

Finished the nursery

Here's Jamie's nursery...we are very proud of it! We spent several weekends painting, putting in new skirting boards and laying new carpet. Then we had the joy of putting the furniture together!

20 week scan

We had our first "20 week" scan at 19 weeks, in the week before Christmas. I was again very nervous beforehand. This was the anomaly scan, where the sonographer looks for problems, and I was terrified that something would be wrong. Unfortunately, our little bean wasn't playing ball and was buried too deep in my pelvis for the sonographer to get all the measurements.

We had to go back on 7th Jan for a repeat scan - by now I was 22 weeks pregnant. We were relieved to find out that everything was fine!