Being a mummy...

...is hard a lot of the time. Not just the everyday stuff of nappy changes, making meals, persuading a toddler to eat said meals, negotiating tantrums, tidying up mess and toys 50 times a day - although those things can be frustrating and tiring in their own right.

But it seems these days, us mummies have a lot of pressure put upon us to be better, to raise perfectly well behaved, well rounded, sociable, clever, sensitive children, and if we mess up in any way, society is quick to condemn us. Or maybe we are quick to condemn ourselves, as I think a lot of the pressure comes from within. It certainly does in my case.

I want to be a better mum than I am at the moment. I feel as though I'm being lazy, and we've slipped into some terrible habits of late. I was so strict with giving Jamie healthy, home-cooked food, he never had any chocolate, sweets, crisps or juice. He also watched virtually no kids' TV - just the odd 30 mins of ITNG in the evening. But somehow, this winter, all that seems to have been undone and now he wants junk all the time (although he doesn't actually have much as I don't buy it), refuses to try new food, often won't eat his dinner, Cbeebies is on constantly and if I turn it off or to a different channel, a huge tantrum ensues.

I also worry all the time about Jamie's social development. I've always been very shy and I really wanted him to be confident, sociable and outgoing...and sometimes I feel as though I'm failing him because he seems to be shy, too. He does like playing with other children, but it often takes him a while to warm up. I'm hoping that starting preschool soon will be good for him. I don't think there's anything abnormal about his behaviour, but I just want him to be happy, to have lots of friends and to enjoy being with other people.

I suppose I should get used to all these mummy worries because I can see they're going to be with me for the rest of my life now! In some ways, having a baby is the easy part. It's when that baby turns into a little person, who is a reflection of you, your parenting and all the time you have invested, that you really find out what it means to be a mum.