Can it get any better?

Beware: gushing, sickly sweet post coming up!

I'm SO happy right now. I just love my life, spending the days with my two babies, seeing them grow and change in front of my eyes. It's a total privilege to have them and be with them and I feel so incredibly lucky. Things are far from perfect - we don't have loads of money and have even less space, but those things don't matter to me. Part of the reason I feel so content is that it's a real possibility that I won't be going back to work at all. We have to see how the money goes over the next few months, but we think we can manage with me not working, or perhaps doing the odd day of supply work here and there. There won't be much cash left over for clothes or holidays, but I value the time with my babies far more than material things.

I can't help feeling though that things won't stay like this, this good, forever...deep in the back of my mind I have a feeling of dread about what might be around the corner. I don't know why. I read stories in the papers about children who get ill, or parents who die, and feel as though awful things like that are just a heartbeat away. You never really know. Perhaps it's good to feel this way, as it means I appreciate the good things I've got, never knowing when they might be taken away. It's almost as though I feel I don't deserve to be this happy, and one day it'll all be different. I hope it isn't.

But for now, I love my life and feel so lucky to have the things I do. The key, I think, is to live in the moment, enjoying the simple everyday things that it's all too easy to take for granted. I just know that when I'm old, I'll look back and remember those happy little moments...walks in the park to collect leaves, watching Jamie squealing with delight as he feeds the chickens, putting my face close to Daisy's and seeing her burst into the most beautiful grin and breathy chuckle. Things that almost don't merit a mention...those are the really special moments.